#he is symbolic of grief itself in a way.

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

burning house as a metaphor for a miscarriage....... IN fear in the night (1972)

[always-a-king-or-queen]

C 👏 S 👏 LEWIS 👏 WAS 👏 NOT 👏 MISOGYNISTIC

IM SO SICK OF THIS TAKE

“But he said girls shouldn’t fight in battles—" No, actually. What he said was “Battles are ugly when women fight.” Which literally translates to “in a war where women are required to fight to help win it, it means the war itself is really bad.” And this literally just means that the war has gotten so bad that women have to fight, not that women shouldn’t fight. Just that they shouldn’t be forced to. Anyway, remember Lucy?? Lucy who rode to battle in The Horse and His Boy?? Lucy who fought as an archer?? “But Susan didn’t—" Yeah. Because she didn’t want to. No one was forcing her not to fight. She had free will to fight or to not fight, and she chose not to because she didn’t want to, not because a man made her stay home.

“He punished Susan for growing up—" S i g h. This is the one I see the most often. “He did Susan dirty” “he made her suffer because she liked lipstick” “etc etc blah blah blah” First of all Narnia is a children’s book series. For CS Lewis to delve into why Susan forgot Narnia, talk about her dealing with the death of her entire family, discuss her grief, and write about her eventual return to Narnia (more on that in a second), it would’ve made for a pretty dark and heavy children’s book, and Lewis said that he didn’t think that was something he wanted to write. But he also encouraged people to finish Susan’s story themselves, and said she might eventually make her own way back to Narnia. Not only this, but Susan’s name means lily, and the waters around Aslan’s country are covered in lilies. Coincidence? I think not. I think it symbolizes she was going to go back. (Especially considering I think Lewis was very careful in choosing each of the Pevensie’s names, since they all relate to their character).

Also, Lewis did not condemn Susan simply for growing up and liking makeup and clothing and boys. If so why would he have written about Aravis and Shasta/Cor, or Caspian and Liliandil? Why would he have written about Susan and Lucy being beautiful and having many suitors? So no, he wasn’t condemning her for that, and in fact he wasn’t condemning her at all. It’s extremely probable that her family’s death would have brought Susan back to her senses. Because here’s the thing: she forgot. She threw herself so much into the world and approval and convinced herself that her life as a queen and her acquaintance with Aslan was all a silly game they played as children, that it wasn’t real. But, she very well could remember again, and I 1000% believe she did.

“All his female characters were weak and did nothing—" My friend. Lucy Pevensie was a female. She discovered Narnia. It was because of her. Her siblings would never have found it without her. Lucy is one of THE most important characters in the entire series. And her title? The Valiant. Lucy’s very title as queen denoted her bravery and fortitude without one even knowing her. As for Susan, she was not any weaker for being “The Gentle.” I would say gentleness is honestly one of the strongest traits a person can have, because it takes a lot to live and be gentle. Also remember Aravis? A major character in The Horse and His Boy and future wife of Shasta, Aravis literally nearly killed herself to escape an arranged marriage. She was not someone to be dictated to; she made her own choices and escaped rather than submitting. And in the end, she’s still fiery, just a little more humble and with less of a chip on her shoulder. Then there’s Polly, who is the more logical person in The Magician’s Nephew and tries to stop Digory from ringing the bell that wakes the White Witch. A boy causes her to awaken, not a girl. It was Digory’s fault she woke up, not Polly’s!!

Also, Peter and Edmund do not ignore their sisters because they’re girls. They listen to what they have to say and speak to them as equals. They don’t forbid them from fighting; Susan chooses not to, but Lucy goes straight into the heart of the battle with them! So don’t even say Lewis made his female characters weak. They were the backbone of much of the series and without them much of the plot would never have happened!!

So don’t you ever say to me that CS Lewis was misogynistic because it’s the furthest thing from the truth

[rockwgooglyeyes]

and in a blink. . . gone.

There's lots of things I could say about Round 7. This might not be my most coherent post ever but c'est la vie.

One of the most palpable things in Blink Gone's video is the color symbolism. The most prominent colors are green and red, with red being symbolised in the line "dark crimson air embraces us, lifting our spirits" and green pulling duty in the earlier line, "the verdant lights tickle my eyes and I smile." The thing that's so interesting about these two colors is, to me, the green represents life/rebellion/freedom in ALNST, especially with the inside of Mizi's hood being green, Hyuna's leg being green, etc, (green being shown when Till reaches out for Mizi, reaching out for freedom/rebellion.) Comparatively red represents something closer to loss/grief/love, with the skies of the meteor scene in Black Sorrow being red, Ivan's pupils being red, the flowers at the Garden being red (my clematis being the song that started it all), etc. (the flashback of the ivantill kiss is red as well, symbolising the loss/grief Till connects to it).

(Additionally, fun fact! I believe that teal symbolises childhood, or even simply the past, in ALNST because of the lighting style caused in the ANAKT garden images casting a greenish-blue tint on the shadows, as well as the fact that Till's eyes are teal and he is one of the people who has clung to the ephemeral, sweet moments of their childhood the fiercest.)

Purple isn't something with as clear symbolism in ALNST simply because it's not been around *as much* but I would argue that it symbolises the system and the oppression it exerts, as well as control in general. Luka's fingers are purple when he's in control of his emotions. The stage in Blink Gone is a combination of purple and green (largely) and I feel as though that represents the war between rebellion and the system (funny that, at the end, purple consumes the stage, symbolising how today, the system won) as well as the undercurrents of control showing how this entire round was calculated from the beginning.

The instruments in the midpoint of the song (the violin and electric guitar) being holographic in universe and being CGI in the video is actually significant, because of something that @alien-til-i-stage said to me, which was, the instruments represented Till's genius and his humanity. In my opinion, the fact that they weren't real and in fact were just stand ins (with Till's being green and Luka's being purple), while the prerecorded instrumentals played anyways, is a taunt, saying that Till and Luka's humanity is an illusion, and all they are in the end, is slaves to the machine. Something that is proved true by the way that this whole fucking round was rigged from the beginning, condemning Luka to a prolonged life within his gilded cage and Till relegated to a mere token, killed simply as a stepping stone on Luka's path to continued life and torture.

Maybe that's why Blink, Gone feels so empty to me, as a round. It rings hollow. Even the instrumentals feel incomplete, the way that the chorus is dominant and the verses are brief, most of the song being the repeated lines of "in a blink, gone" and "the clock goes tick, tock, tick, tock" because, see, to me the repetition is fitting but the more the same thing is repeated, the less substance it has. Perhaps that's fitting, after all, it's gone in a blink, you can listen to the song and blink in surprise once you realize it's over, stunned at how fast it went.

The song itself is about seizing the moment, carpe diem, that sort of shit, but it's from the retrospect.

Someone on twitter (as seen above) mentioned that the song isn't about love, it's about loss. Which makes the hollowness ring all the more loudly. Of course it feels empty- grief is the feeling you experience when you turn to say something to someone and you realize they're not there. (also note how during this still, it's purple but with a red undertone- reinforcing the system of oppression using grief as a tool).

It's about someone from the future, who has been hurt before, trying to insist to the person in the present that they need to enjoy what they have because loss is inevitable. "And I smile, before this piercing, radiant moment fades away," (from when Mizi realizes it's Till on stage) is directly followed by "and in a blink, gone, forget everything and just enjoy it" which is so manipulative it hurts. It highlights a moment of happiness, and then sucker punches you with how fleeting and ephemeral that moment is, basically saying "happiness is pointless, don't dwell on it, enjoy what you have and don't ask for more" it's an authority figure telling you to stop complaining about what you don't have because, hey, look, you have a roof over your head! Who cares if you're hunger, you're not out on the street, ungrateful wretch! "Don't miss the moment ... leave no regrets" the lyrics are more of a slap in the face than they are a heartfelt plea. This isn't someone telling you not to get lost in your head because you're missing out on the beauty of the present, this is someone telling you to stop dwelling on your grief.

Not only that but the later lines of "Exist for me, it's this moment or no," only deepen that manipulation of a hand being held out but that hand having a steep price. You can exist for this person, enjoy this moment, but that means leaving everything else behind and maybe that's easier, but is it worth it? Because when Till finally reaches out, takes that hand, fixates on the moment and forgets everything else, he’s shot down.

Let me come back to the "the whole fucking round was rigged from the start" comment that I just made and breezed past because there is actual reasoning behind it besides "boohoo my twink died and that can't be canon without interference D:"

Why the fuck would Till start flagging in the second half of the song, if he was on drugs that Urak gave him? It doesn't make sense for Urak not to give Till the right amount of drugs to keep him aware and capable for the whole round, after all, Urak wants Till to win. Right? It certainly doesn't seem that way, considering the fact that the drugs couldn't have come from anywhere other than Urak, and that it didn't really matter who ended up here, at the finale, because they were going to lose to Luka anyways.

It makes me think that Urak was paid off, to make Till lose, because I sincerely doubt he would do it without incentive. Additionally, if he weren't paid and he just wanted Till to lose, there wouldn't be any point to drugging Till at all. Till was merely drugged to keep up the appearance of a fight and to keep the performance going, not to actually give him a chance to fucking try.

Not only that but the FUCKING IMAGES OF IVAN??? There's no way that they intended to even give Till a chance of winning.

God I mean I love that Ivan featured (and that Luka went through the trouble to imitate him, and that it worked, because that means that at least Ivan had some kind of effect on Till) but god, it hurts to know that at this point, he's merely used as a bludgeon to whack over Till's head and put him into the grave.

[k4vehrtz]

NYMPHOLOGY. satoru gojo / sub! m. reader

synopsis. satoru will miss ‘that person’ forever.

word count. 1k . ✦ . warnings. prince! gojo / nymph! reader / discussions of grief / unprotected sex as a means of trade sort of

notes. inspired by that one artwork “he ate my heart” — sorry for starving you guys :(

SUGURU WOULD’VE BEEN the first to admit that they were lost. at least, that’s what satoru thinks, anyway. it’s been four years — his memories of what he now considered a lighter time in his life felt more distant than anything else.

his companion was, beyond a reasonable doubt, ‘gone’. this was the reality of his circumstances. a reality he couldn’t bring himself to accept; a reality where half of his heart had become another name on the list of people who’d disappeared without a trace.

“why have you come here?”

he’d wondered the same thing — what did he intend to achieve by doing this?

“…for answers?” it’s the most obvious response but he doesn’t care. he’s gradually become this; found himself caring less and less. ‘there’s not much left to lose when you’ve already lost it all,’ he thinks.

and you’re no stranger to this plague of human emotion. it came to be a familiar display after ‘that place’ resumed activity.

“that…” you pause, pressing your lips together, “i acknowledge your status as the heir to the human throne but my answer remains the same — i don’t know,” before crossing your hands in front of your chest.

he’d expected this much; you’re not exactly known for being lenient. but it was worth a shot.

“that person,” satoru couldn’t bring himself to say his name, “studied your kind in his free time,” especially not within this context.

it’s not necessarily a surprise to you either. of course, you’re not acquainted with ‘that person’ but human beings are inherently curious. curious about ‘that place’ and the ‘people’ that live there.

“your point being?” you counter, nose crinkling.

satoru swallows thickly. ‘be careful,’ suguru had warned as their knees knocked together, child–like fingers curling in the dirt, ‘nymphs are alluring but they’re dangerous’. and for a moment, he’d wished he had listened.

there’s no turning back now though. you’re standing in front of him, the sun’s rays reflecting on your skin and the wind carrying the scent of flowers as you await an answer.

“i want to be surrounded by what he enjoyed most — ‘this place’ was his all–consuming love.”

the colour drains from your face in an instant. you don’t know whether you should laugh or cry. ‘this place’ and ‘all–consuming love’ used in the same sentence is…well, it shouldn’t be paired.

“you got lost on purpose?” it’s more of a statement than a question but satoru responds anyway: “i want to be ‘consumed’ too.”

‘this place’ had ‘consumed’ his companion four years ago. and maybe, if that person could see him now, he’d be disappointed. but he wouldn’t have been surprised. this was the type of person satoru was, is, and will continue to be.

a man with half a heart because he’d given the other half to suguru. and for a moment, he’d wished he hadn’t. yet another thing he’d found himself doing more and more — wishing.

“you’re…not like the others,” you murmur and he smiles knowingly.

THE POMEGRANATE was a sacred symbol of life itself.

“there are other —” he moves his thumb over your lower lip, as tears blur your vision “— ways.”

or, rather, the ‘sequence’ of life. one’s fertility and the pause in fertility; one’s mortality, and inevitably the fruit of the dead.

“you’re right,” he agrees easily and you let out a breathy laugh, “but this is the most enjoyable, is it not?”

you don’t deny it, and a corner of his mouth lifts.

and his lips are warm against yours. it’s strange at first, the residual warmth it leaves in your body in its wake. a warmth that promotes blood flow in the direction of your cock. you’re hard, pre–cum leaking from the slit atop your pulsating cockhead.

satoru continues to kiss you though. he sinks his teeth into the fat of your lower lip, prompting them to part, an open–mouthed whimper bouncing off the inner walls of your cheeks instantaneously. and your brows ratchet up, a crease forming between them, as you lower your gaze to satoru whose tongue slithers into your mouth.

‘you taste like pomegranate,’ he thinks to himself as he pokes at your tear–stained cheek, ‘definitely pomegranate’.

when he breaks the kiss, you’re breathless, your chest rising and falling in sync with your shoulders. but he wastes not a moment — understanding better than anyone else the unpredictability of the flow of time.

his hands pressed into your sides, holding you in place, and only letting go momentarily to free his cock from its constraints. he’s hard too, you notice, standing at full mast and curving inwards slightly.

“please,” your voice is no more than a quiet plea that a gentle breeze carries to satoru’s ear, your spine stiff and muscles tense, “be gentle.”

and his gaze softens at that, bringing a hand up to your face to caress your cheek like it’s a promise. it’s not his intention to hurt you.

but it does hurt to some degree after he aligns his cock with your entrance, pushing past that tight ring of muscle. the only difference is that he’s comforting you through the process. alternating between his forehead pressed against yours and locking his lips with yours.

key word there being ‘process’.

“i’m sorry.”

his voice mirrors your quietness, eliciting the rise of goosebumps on your skin even as you writhe beneath him whilst he bucks his hips into you. you’re not sure who the apology is directed to but you choose not to linger on it anyway.

there’s no going back now — ‘this place’ won’t allow it.

“b...by doing this — ” your voice raises in pitch, your gasps audible, “you’ve sealed your faith princeling.” and satoru hums as his movements become somewhat erratic. “you’re only,” his hips stutter mid–sentence, “doing what i asked of you,” and he lowers his lips to your ear, “you’ll both forgive me,” before his cock spurts ropes of cum into you in sync with your orgasm.

[cloakedsparrow]

Commissioner Jim Gordon figured out Bruce Wayne was Batman early on in their partnership but he needed all the help he could get cleaning up Gotham, so he figured he’d let it go as long as he maintained plausible deniability and as long as Batman didn’t do anything too reckless or damning (like killing someone or getting a civilian killed).

He could tell that Batman genuinely wanted to help and he honestly grew to respect him, so he decided if it ever looked like he needed to pull the plug on Batman, he could just quietly inform him that he knew his identity but he wouldn’t have to pursue it if he just stopped.

He almost did just that when Robin entered the picture. Because that was not a grown man with training and intellect in a combat-ready suit. That was a child in a leotard and pixie boots. Of course, Robin was obviously Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne’s new ward. And, yeah, the kid was a remarkably gifted acrobat, but still. What the fuck was Batman thinking?

A few captured crooks and a couple overheard conversations later and Gordon realized that this was Bruce attempting to reign in Dick. He decided he’d let it go for a while and see if the situation didn’t just take care of itself.

It did, but not in the way Gordon had assumed, where Bruce eventually got Dick to stop. Instead, the kid turned out to be a brilliant vigilante. So as much as the idea of a kid fighting criminals in a leotard upset him, Gordon decided to let it go as long as the boy seemed more or less safe (and also didn’t cross certain lines).

Then Batgirl appears and Gordon is even more concerned because Batman also doesn’t seem to know who this girl is. That’s concerning. She’s wearing his symbol. One fuck up from her could ruin everything Batman (and Gordon) have built. All the goodwill with the non-corrupt detectives and citizens of Gotham could be destroyed overnight. There’s no way to prove she has nothing to do with Batman shy of unmasking one or the other or both.

So Gordon decides to look into Batgirl, because that’s the lesser of two evils at this point, and it turns out she’s his daughter. Because of course Barbara would do something like this. Fuck his life.

Then Nightwing enters the picture. Before Gordon can worry about this new vigilante too much, Nightwing shows him the cute little deputy badge he’d given Robin and repeats some of his own words back to him, proving Nightwing is Dick Grayson. Which, good for him. At least he came up with a better suit. Gordon hadn’t wanted to say anything, but he’d been getting a little too old for the pixie boots.

Then there’s a new Robin, which is obviously Bruce Wayne’s newly adopted son, Jason Todd. Barbara is still acting as Batgirl, so Gordon figures he doesn’t have any room to be judgmental of Batman’s parenting choices at this point. At least Batman keeps his kid with him while he’s fighting crime. It’s more than Gordon can claim.

Then, the worst comes to pass. Jason Todd dies.

Batman tried to kill the Joker, so there’s no point in guessing how that happened. Gordon feels terrible. He feels even worse when Batman is clearly losing it and, as much as he understands (Barbara could have been killed instead of crippled, and just for answering her father’s door), he can’t let it continue. He’s going to have to show his hand and threaten Bruce Wayne.

As if by some miracle, Batman starts getting better before he has to act. Gordon assumed he’d either sought help or just worked through the worst phase of his grief…until another Robin shows up.

The kid is wearing a different suit that covers (protects) more of him. He’s constantly perched on something so Gordon can’t get a definite estimation of his height. The hair could always be dyed or a wig. Overall, there’s not much to go on identity-wise. It’s certainly not Jason Todd after faking his death or being revived somehow (it’s Gotham, stranger things have happened). This is definitely a different kid. He’s smaller, younger, paler, and he doesn’t move or sound like either of the previous Boy Wonders.

Bruce Wayne does not have another son. He does not have another ward. No nephew or godson or the like. So who the fuck is this kid?!

The new kid is really good. Batman is doing really good with him. Gordon would be very happy with this progress except that he still has no idea where the kid came from. He’s taken to going over missing person reports, but it’s Gotham (there’s a lot) and he doesn’t even have a decent description of the new Robin to work with.

He tried saying something to Robin once, after Batman ditched them on the roof of GCPD. The kid had stopped him and told him that he’d given the adults their chance to fix it but they didn’t, so he’s taking care of it now. Then the unknown child jumped off the roof and fired off a grapple to follow Batman. Gordon has no idea what to make of that but he feels like he should be a little ashamed, at least.

After what feels like a year of mental torment, Janet Drake is murdered and Jack Drake is left in a coma that he may or may not recover from. Then Gordon learns that Bruce Wayne has quietly assumed custody of their son, Tim Drake.

There is no paper trail of any kind between the Drakes and Bruce Wayne. If the Drake boy is Robin, then Gordon has no idea how that came to be. If he isn’t Robin, then he still has no idea who the current Boy Wonder is.

The mystery of this particular Robin will continue to haunt him for years.

Bruce loses custody of the Drake boy, but there doesn’t appear to be any change in Batman and Robin.

Suddenly, Robin is gone with no explanation and there’s a girl in the role for a couple weeks but then she’s fired and starts a gang war that claims thousands of lives including, apparently, her own. Then maybe-Tim-Drake-maybe-not Robin is back.

Bruce takes permanent custody of the Drake boy, and there still doesn’t appear to be any change in Batman and Robin.

Then there’s a new suit but it appears to be the same Robin, just sadder. Then Bruce Wayne’s biological son shows up and, lo and behold, there’s a new Robin. With a chip on his shoulder the size of Wayne Manor and a fucking sword. Gordon actually misses the Robin that had been confusing the hell out of him for the past several years.

Then there’s a Red Robin. Then he's gone and there’s two very different Robins operating at the same time. Gordon’s pretty sure the one that isn’t Damian Wayne is the one that’s been a constant source of headaches and nicotine cravings for the past four years, but he still can’t be sure who the little shit is.

[purplelupins]

Lamb

|Midnight Mass|

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI

Father Paul Hill/John Pruitt x fem!reader

Word count: 13.7k

Summery: An entire life of being a good girl was a difficult cross to carry...especially in a tiny town with 127 residents on a good day. You kept the town fed and spirits as high as you could, but when a new face steps off the afternoon Breeze, things around you start to change; you don't even know you're in the eye of the storm.

Warnings: nsfw, reader is religious, religious symbolism, ideology, explanations and general conversations of religion, age gap (like this man is 80 technically and he watched reader grow up, and can remember reader as a little girl so if that’s creepy to you then go no further), stalking, manipulation, murder (hello have you seen the show?), drinking of blood, hunting of a person, grief, description of animal death, reader is described as blushing, character death, non consensual help showering, guilt and god maybe more but I think that’s it…this is not really a fix it fic

Notes: this is it…the final chapter of Lamb! Thank you all so much for reading…thank you to everyone who has supported me and commented and given me feedback. I love each and every one of you. It’s been a pleasure.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It was nearly noon when you stirred.

You had expected to awaken in bed, just as you usually did these days when you dozed off; it was not a pillow under your cheek that morning, though. There was a steady rise and fall under your ear, and a security to where you lay. You slowly cracked your eyes open, and took in where you were. Certainly you remembered falling asleep on the couch, but you did not recall laying on Father Pruitt. And yet there he was slumped uncomfortably against the wooden arm on the couch with you pulled over his chest and into his lap like a makeshift blanket.

You had assumed he generally didn’t sleep- either didn’t need it or didn’t choose to. However as you looked down at the peaceful man, you found you were wrong. As you rose your head, those dark lashes of his brushed his cheeks as he lay under you in a slumber. You stilled and stared so as to not rouse him; whether it was out of fear of waking the beast, or manners for not stirring your host, you were not sure.

It seemed fate would come to your aid. Father John’s brow twitched in the same way it used to when he would start to fall asleep during a lengthy conversation after Mass when his hair was grey. His wrinkled face would go lax, and he would slump slightly then catch himself and pass it off as him thinking.

You watched his eyes slowly crack open, then it seemed his senses returned to him all at once as he sat up a fraction a little too fast. You fell a little forward and caught yourself on his shoulder and he caught your waist and your upper arm.

“Oh I’m- I must’ve…-“ he trailed off as sleep still gripped him.

You watched him wake up and laugh a little at the slight awkwardness of it. Then he seemed to finally realize that you too had only just awoken.

“You slept.” He stated, voice thick with tiredness.

You nodded.

“I’m sorry I- well I would have moved you, but I didn’t want to…” he could have stopped there and it would have been true too, “…wake you.” He added.

Your silence made him swallow. Making him nervous was not your intent, though somehow seeing him a little uncomfortable made you enjoy your position a little more.

After a moment he sighed and gently guided both of you to sit up and he pulled at the neckline of the sleep dress you wore. You tilted your head away from him for a better view, and the action itself made his nostrils flare.

So trusting for me…

“No more bleeding. Well done little one.” He hummed.

You waited for him to put the fabric back, which he did after another moment; a gentle sweep of his fingers over your collar bone. Soft and unhurried. Nothing like you had seen and felt from the other men of the island. Rough hugs and claps on your shoulder or an entitled hand on your back. Anything but ginger and gentle.

“Why me, Father?” You whispered suddenly. It was a question that you had repeated over and over until your throat went dry. Why me? Why me God, why me?

John sighed out through his nose. You had always been one to not shy from difficult questions. He could remember your mother chastising you when you would pose such queries to the aging Monsignor at 10 in the morning. He tucked his chin to his chest as he thought then turned back to you, eyes soft.

“Because you were perfect.” He muttered.

Neither Eve nor Lilith. You were neither made from his rib nor from the same soil as he, and John basked in that realization. You were his lamb. A willing and trusting creature who only wanted a Shepard, yet so tempting in its soft flesh and sweet smell.

His words hung in your ears. You nodded- not in understanding, because you did not understand, but because it was a truth he believed. You hoped you would come to understand it, too.

You sat up off his lap, and stretched- the bones in your back popped and your tentons pulled against tissue until you were satisfied.

John watched you unabashedly, a small smile on his mouth at the sight of you.

“I don’t think you know this…but you were always my favourite.” Came his low rumble of a voice beside you.

You settled, and looked over to where he was already turned towards you. “What do you mean?” You asked.

He breathed out a laugh, “It look me a while to remember, but over several months the pieces of my fading mind slowly fell together. I remember always enjoying your company…your dedication, your selflessness and selfishness…your curiosity…so sweet.” John recalled the last twenty odd years following your birth. The birth of a child on Crockett was always a true gift. He had watched you go from smiling and wailing in your mother’s arms to walking down Main Street as fast as your chubby legs could, to you being the last remaining light of the island as you pedalled to the marina with the stiff sea breeze sobering you.

Even in his deteriorating body he loved seeing that little face, in and outside St. Patrick’s. Your wit and comforting nature. The look of regret and apology tugging your pretty mouth into a frown when you would see the filthy floors of the church after a rainy day. How the sunshine of summer mornings would reflect off your face through the church windows. Those dresses you would wear under your warm sweaters; colours of lush fauna, blue skys and spring.

You listened to him, and watched as the good Father seemed lost in thought.

“I don’t know if you remember when my family left…but I was so scared. Independence had always been something I was used to, but something about loneliness…I suppose what I’m trying to say is St. Patrick’s was a home for me.” You returned his thoughtfulness with your own.

John smiled again to himself and patted your hands that sat on your thighs, “And it will always be a home for you…even when it stands in ruins.” He murmured.

You sucked in a breath, and looked away. His stare grew far too intense for you at times.

“Come…you need to eat, sweetheart.” Father John sighed and stood, his hands outstretched to help you up. You took his hands, and let him make you food.

The supplies for the island were simple and repetitive. Nothing fancy. It had been months of similar meals and uninteresting ingredients, but you found that you couldn’t complain. You were alive, and that was what mattered.

“Can I ask you something?” John’s chest rumbled as he spoke across from you at his desk.

You looked up from the book you had been reading- your knees tucked up to your chest in the old chair. “Go ahead.”

The Father took a moment to think of the best phrasing while he put his pen down. This had been something that ate away at him for months, but it had never been an appropriate time to ask it. He prayed this was a corrected time now.

“That night…Easter…you came back. You didn’t look afraid…sad and horrified, yes, but not afraid…” he said, “I was afraid. I was grieving…why were you not afraid?”

You looked away, and thought.

“I was afraid but not…not of what you think,” Your eyes glazed over as you recalled that night. How the church smelled of candle wax and iron and wet wood, “I thought I was going to die that night. I did. And I was okay with that. It wasn’t death that frightened me. There was something else that did.”

He hung onto every word, “What was it, my child?”

You swallowed and finally looked up at him, “You- you weren’t violent. When you first got back to Crockett you weren’t violent.” You shook your head.

Your statement surprised him.

“Well- I - had my limit…Joe- well…he suffered but…I suppose that was a circumstantial thing…for the majority of the time yes I was…fairly docile.” He nodded along.

You felt your throat tighten and your nose prickled, “Then why did they rip their families to shreds? Why did they attack like that…they were possessed,” you said and shook your head, “What scared me and still scares me, Father , is that I think those people were just looking for an excuse to be savage. I knew Wade and Dolly so well and I had to pull a Leeza away from them…their own daughter…are we all just…savages safeguarded by laws and manners and faith? What scares me is that I wonder what they really are capable of. And now that…I’m weaker than them, I would be defenceless. It’s the suppressed urges that scare me.” Your voice trembled.

Father Pruitt hadn’t entirely thought of it in such a way. But once you laid out what the islanders had done in that manner, he found himself a little more horrified.

“I can understand why.” He leaned back and rubbed his brow, “I haven’t…I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

You nodded, “It’s why I run, I can handle dying. I can handle God. But the thought of being torn apart and drained by people I loved is what scares me.”

John regarded you- his cupids now pulled into a straight line.

“I know you’re sorry, Father…it’s not you that scares me.” You said gently. You opened your book and picked up where you had left off; leaving the older man to stew and mull over your answer to his question.

Father Pruitt pulled his messenger bag over his shoulder, and sighed as he readied himself for Mass. The black button-up plus that crisp white collar were back in place from his sweater. He took a quick breath as if to say something, then he seemed to decide against it.

You watched from your spot on the couch, and waited to see if he would give into the itch and say what was on his mind-

“You…you can come. If you’d like.” He tried to say it far more casually than he felt, and it showed.

You stifled a laugh, “To a church full of v-“

“I know…just…I thought you might miss it.” He stumbled a little to correct himself. He missed seeing you there. He missed feeling your glow.

You thought for a long minute. You did miss it. You missed the church, you missed seeing other faces…you missed hearing his sermons and the hymns.

“I do…” you whispered.

“Then come. I promise you will not be harmed, there’s been a steady supply and everyone is fed. I promise you.” He spoke almost pleadingly.

You stared up at him, and clenched your jaw.

John’s chest ached. Too soon. “I’m…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“

“Okay.”

The ache tightened, but it hurt so nicely. He looked at you in the eyes, “…okay?” He repeated.

You nodded.

A rush of air left Father Pruitt’s lungs in shock, “Okay. Okay…okay, c’mon, little one.” He held out his hand to beckon you to him.

You stood and padded to the bedroom to retrieve a pair of wool tights and a sweater to have over your dress. When you returned, Father John already had your coat and boots ready for you. It was only a short walk, but the church had always been drafty, and winters were not kind on Crockett.

He helped you into your shoes and closed your coat, “There. Now come along. You’ll sit at the front…no one sits there anymore.” He thought aloud.

But you weren’t listening. You were watching that handsome face as he fretted over you. It was so much all at once how he looked after you. Too much but not enough.

What you didn’t expect was how he took your hand in his larger one and guided you down the rectory steps and out past the cemetery and the rec centre. You had noticed ages ago how many new graves there were, though you never mentioned it.

Father Pruitt drew small, soothing circles along your knuckles and led you up through the back vestibule of the church.

You held your breath and paused in the doorway. The last time you had been there, Erin had shot Bev in the chest. You sucked in a sharp breath suddenly and it hurt your lungs.

You needed to do this.

Closure.

Though you wished that Bev was still on Crockett. You would have enjoyed giving her a piece of your mind now that you weren’t terrified. But alas, she was a long gone pile of dust.

“"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?"…He is with you, little one. If I am not enough then know that He is with you.” The Father bent to murmur in your ear.

You swallowed the saliva that had pooled in your mouth and nodded.

He took that as an invitation to proceed. You stayed with him as he retrieved his green chasuble and slipped it over his head.

“Ordinary time…” you whispered to yourself.

John pretended not to hear you, and continued on. He knew you were reliving and processing what he had put you through.

When he filed out to the body of the church, he placed a gentle hand on your back and pointed to the front pew where Beverly used to sit, “Everyone thinks that spot is haunted by Ms.Keene. I assure you it is not. You can sit there.”

You looked from the pew to him and felt anxiety start to fill you.

John turned back to you and brought his hands up to cradle your soft face.

“I am with you. You will not leave my sight I promise.” With that, he placed a small kiss on your forehead, and released you.

Trust.

You took another shuttering breath in, and out, then stepped out into St. Patrick’s. It was still empty, and your footsteps echoed in the bare building. You looked down at the floorboards, and at the stairs to the pulpit, then finally you dared to look down the aisle to the door. Flashes of Easter make you blink hard to force them away. Now there was no blood, nothing left to portray the carnage that occurred there.

You eyes fell upon the crucifix, and you forced yourself to sit down in the pew. You needed watchful eyes on you that night. Your fear began to bubble up into your throat and constricted it. You needed to not be alone.

You reached into your coat pocket, and clutched your rosary, and you began to pray.

“Angel of God, my guardian dear, To whom God's love commits me here, Ever this day, be at my side, To light and guard, Rule and guide. Amen.” You whispered to yourself.

John still stood in the vestibule, readying the communion when he heard your little voice start to pray. He swallowed thickly at the memory of last muttering that same prayer; clutching at his stomach and screaming for that winged beast to come to him…he might have given into the grief, but John had long since worked through the guilt that did eventually come, contrary to what he told Riley. Instead, he blinked a few times, and began to recite the prayer with you under his breath.

The doors to the church were opened, and your baby hairs stood on end.

“Angel of God, my guardian dear, To whom God's love commits me here, Ever this day, be at my side, To light and guard, Rule and guide. Amen.” You finished and crossed yourself.

There were slow footsteps as parishioners entered, and noticed you. You knew they noticed you by the way conversations stopped and whispers began. You didn’t dare look behind you.

No one approached you, just like your Father had told you. You kept waiting for someone to grow bold and take a seat beside you, but it never came. Even as you all rose for the hymn, and began to sing, you remained alone and untouched.

You sang quietly, and kept your eyes low until Father Pruitt passed you and took his place at the pulpit in front of you. You had to crane your neck now to look up at him, and you found a twinge of pain there in your shoulder from the bite. A cruel reminder.

“Good evening everyone…here we are again as Christmas approaches and the New Year. It’s during this time of year when I am reminded of gifts. Gifts come in so many shapes and forms…at so many times. A shiny new bike, a gift card, a new dress…wrapped up and then torn apart to emphasise the excitement…then there are other kinds of gifts. The gift of seeing a loved one again. A child, a new house, a hot meal. Sometimes a gift can come in the form of a person. Jesus was a gift to mankind…our Lord and our Savour who leads us even though he has left us…” he spoke gently, and you found yourself softening. You felt like you were listening to your Monsignor again. No agenda…no manipulation. Just a man with a collar trying to remind people of God.

“People can be the biggest blessings…we give each other connection, and we empower each other. We can remind each other of better times and push each other to move forward. To recover, to learn, to get out of our comfort zones. To be more pious and to think of God more. People can be reminders for each other just as much as a crucifix…Gifts. Meant to be treasured…” he glanced down at you, and his heart swelled at the sight of you being there, “And cared for. We must nurture and care for those around us who remind us of God, and who push us to be better. We must be selfless for them.”

You listened to him, and rolled your rosary over your fingers. Like little drops of water. The last memory you had of being in church was full of so much fright and anxiety as you tried to get a grip on yourself- telling yourself everything was fine when it evidently hadn’t been. You sometimes wondered what would have happened if you had listened to your gut and left long before Easter. Would you have lived? Or would you have returned to Crockett after to come home only to be devoured at night because you didn’t know about the islands nightly tendencies? Was there any way to escape or were you doomed from the start?

You didn’t stand in line for the Eucharist. You didn’t watch the rest of the flock accept it. But as the final person left to sit down, you heard your name being called gently. You slowly rose your gaze, and met with Father Pruitt standing just feet from you.

“Body of Christ, little one.” He said to you, wafer in hand. You took a moment to catch up with his offering, and when you saw a paper cup in his other hand, you gave in.

“Amen.” You held your hands out to accept it the wafer, and let it dissolve on your tongue.

“Blood of Christ, little one.” He said, holding out the cup to you. You flicked your eyes up to his for just a moment.

Trust.

“Amen.”

You leaned forward, and let him tip the cup’s contents into your mouth. Your tongue was flooded with grape juice.

John watched you proudly, and finished service.

You didn’t stay. You couldn’t. Of course you wanted to see Annie, and to hold Leeza and to look Dolly in the eye. But you couldn’t. The thought alone had your stomach churning with upset. You wordlessly brushed past Father Pruitt as he descended the stairs to bid his parish a goodnight, and he watched you go. You slipped out the back door and ran back inside the rectory and slammed and locked the door.

You ripped off your coat and hung it up with shaking hands, and toed off your boots and yanked off your tights because everything felt too tight and too warm and too itchy all at once and you couldn’t breath.

You turned off the lights and ran into the bedroom and pulled the blankets up and over your head as you tried to find an equilibrium in your breathing. Your ears were ringing and your stomach felt uncomfortable like you had either eaten far too much or far too little.

After a while, you heard knocking on the front door. Your nerves lit up at the idea of one of the islanders being the visitor. Your stomach only dropped further when you heard keys. You knew Father Pruitt was the only one with keys, or so he said. What if this was all a trap? What is he asked you to come that night so he could let the parishioners on you? What if he was lying all along? What if-

“Y/n?” Came that low hum of a voice that you had grown to know. You still didn’t move. What if he had other people with him?

You could hear footsteps coming closer. You pulled the covers closer, and tried to hold your breath.

“Little one, what are you doing?” Came his gentle whisper.

You didn’t reply, staying as still as you could.

He sighed.

“Give me your hand, my sweet girl.”

You didn’t.

“Trust me.”

You slowly moved your arm and released the death grip you had on the blanket to produce your hand to him.

John tutted your palm where little crescent moons were etched into your skin where you had clenched your fists.

You felt him take your hand, and raise it up until you felt him press it against his cheek.

“See? I’m here…you’re okay.” He whispered into your skin and leaned into your touch. You moved your fingers over his cheekbone and along his jaw, then down over the corner of his mouth and over his Cupid’s bow until you returned to holding his face. You felt the light press of a kiss to your palm, and your breath hitched.

“Come here, sweetheart…”

You very slowly pulled the blanket off your head and turned your head up to peak around the room. It was dark. So dark. You knew he didn’t need the lights on to see you clearly, and when your eyes found his, his gaze were two pinpricks of light bouncing off his pupils.

With his other hand, he coaxed the blanket off you a bit further until your thighs poked out.

“There she is…” he whispered, and pulled on your hand to sit up until he was sitting beside you and guiding you into his lap,“You did so good, I’m so proud of you, my girl.”

Your limp grip on his shoulders tightened quickly until you were wrapping your legs around his hips and locking your arms around his shoulders; face buried in his neck.

John exhaled into your hair as your scent flooded his senses.

“I’m sorry I ran…” you murmured.

“Shh..nothing to apologise for.” He kissed your temple, and pretended to not notice how your legs tightened around him. How close you were.

“I know they want to see me…I just…I don’t think I can…” you sniffled.

“That’s alright…they understand.” He cooed, stroking your hair.

You sighed and suddenly felt so embrasssed for running. You felt like a child.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” He breathed against the crown of your hair.

You shook your head.

“Do you want to come sit with me? I can read you one of those terrible German fairytales.” He offered.

You laughed shakily, “I’d rather go back to the church, Father.”

He laughed with you, and you enjoyed the vibrations it made in his chest. You slowly pulled away from him, but kept your gaze lowered to his chest. You thought you were stronger than that.

His sigh fanned over your forehead, and his finger came under your chin to tilt your face up to his. Your eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and you could see his face. His breath mingled with yours, and you swallowed it down.

“Come sit with me.” He said gently, “Keep an old man company.”

You relented and untangled yourself from him.

“Slowly…there you go.” He helped you to stand, and put a hand on your lower back to nudge you out from the bedroom.

Your bare feet were cold against the wooden floors. When you sat, you immediately tucked them under you to warm them; you didn’t want to ask for a blanket, you had been enough trouble already.

John shucked off his coat and hung it while watching you in his peripheral. You were cold.

He walked past you and retrieved a blanket from the closet, and grabbed a book he had seen you eye, then returned to you.

You looked up when you heard Father Pruitt round the couch, and your cheeks went warm when you saw the blanket.

“Sorry…” you whispered and accepted the plush quilt.

“Hush.” He whispered and took a seat beside you, then held his arm out for you to come closer. You shuffled tentatively towards him, and he tsked you before putting the book down momentarily to pick you up and slide you over his thighs. You gasped a little and tried not to be uncomfortable for him; squirming to keep most of your weight off him while he pulled the blanket around the two of you and up around your torso.

“Better?” He asked, leaning away from you to see you.

You nodded, and he hummed before picking the book back up and flicking through to find a spot to start.

You sighed, and still felt ridiculous. But then you remembered the last time you had felt silly, and you had had every right to feel what you did. Terror or embarrassment, it didn’t matter. With that thought, you allowed yourself to settle into his collar which dug into your cheek.

Father John began to read aloud. After several minutes, you felt his free hand leave you and reach up to his white collar, and pull it free. You watched him put it down beside you, then return to undo a few buttons as he spoke. You were transfixed by his hand, and then watched it stop and return under the blanket to your thigh.

An odd sensation filled you then. One that caught you as off guard as when you had compared Father Hill to Jesus Christ. It was something that coiled low in your belly…constricted yet not unpleasant. You shifted to alleviate it, and while it did dissipate, it didn’t disappear.

You tried to focus on the Father’s voice as he read to you. But it felt as if his words went in one ear and out the other- all that was left was the gentle hum that resonated from his throat.

“I liked your sermon, Father.” You interrupted him.

John paused at your comment, “I’m glad you did.”

“Reminded me of the ones you’d give when I was little.” You said.

He smiled, and patted your thigh, then continued his reading.

After an hour, your eyes began to droop and your head grew heavy.

John could feel your heart rate slowing, and your weight leaning into him more. He finished the paragraph he had started, the snapped the book shut and placed it beside him.

“Let’s get you to sleep, little one.” He whispered and worked his hand under your legs and the other behind your back before standing up with you in his arms.

You nestled further into his arms, and protested when he went to let you down at the bed for your nightly prayers.

“Just a few more minutes then you can sleep.” He chastised you, putting your feet onto the floor.

You nodded, and stretched then carefully got to your knees; the Father joining you.

You both crossed yourselves and began to pray.

“Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, go back into my memory as I sleep. Every hurt that has been done to me, heal that hurt. Every hurt I have caused to someone, heal that hurt. But Jesus, if there is anything I need to do, if a person is still suffering from my wickedness, bring to my awareness that which I have hurt and need to remedy. I choose to forgive others and I ask to be forgiven. Remove whatever bitterness that remains in my heart, and fill it with Your everlasting love. Amen.” John murmured beside you.

Your heart ached, and you sobered at his words. “Amen.” You whispered and after a moment you looked over at the man beside you. He returned your stare; the light from the living room outlining his face.

You swallowed, and forced yourself to stand. John followed you up and bent his neck to look down at you at his full height.

“Good night, my sweet girl.” He whispered to you, and tucked a stray hair behind your ear.

“Goodnight Father.” You replied, and sat down slowly. John picked the blankets up, and helped you under. You noticed his hesitation. And you waited.

He stared down at you for a long moment, then leaned over you and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Sleep well.” He whispered just a breath away from you.

You felt that warmth coiling in your belly again, and you blinked more than you should have in an effort to force it away. “Thank you.”

He sighed, and leaned away from you. You watched him clench his hands, and you wondered if he had eaten recently. Just as he went to turn away, you put your hand on his arm, “Father?”

“Yes?”

“Are you…you…you don’t seem yourself, have you eaten?” You asked quietly.

John gulped down some air and looked down, “I’m just fine, thank you. Not to worry.” He tried to reassure you, inching out the door.

It isn’t thirst that ails me, little lamb.

He was never one to brush you off. Which was why is attempt did nothing to smooth you. You sat up, “Have I done something? Did something happen?” You asked.

“No…no nothing. I just…I just need some air.” He tried, his smile tight.

You felt a pang of hurt at his stiltedness, but you didn’t press him anymore. “Alright…goodnight.” You whispered.

He nodded and closed the door halfway.

“So you’re saying you grew up on the Mainland, became a priest…did a little preaching in the cities but said “no thank you.” then came to Crockett in your late 20’s?” You asked as you made yourself a cup of tea.

John nodded from his place at his desk, “It was the 50’s and there were just…so many domestic issues at that time. By the end of confessional I wanted to go home and cry. Crockett was simple and a breath of fresh air. Dull, I know. ” He chuckled.

Your face flushed, “No! No I just…always wondered.”

He smiled, “It’s only natural…I grew up in a non-religious household…Christian but not really practicing…my sister’s passing led me to God. Your curiosity is genuine and fair…who knows where it may lead you.”

You sat down across from him and looked over at his writing.

He peaked up at you and tutted, “Nosey.”

You looked away, and took a sip of the hot drink with a little smile.

It had been over a week now since you had been bleeding out in the cellar. You were completely healed, and truly faced little danger, but both of you refused to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

You didn’t want to go home.

And you weren’t sure if that was a good thing.

“I always wanted to travel.” You mused.

“Where would you go?” John asked you, slowing his writing.

“…I think Spain first. See the Vatican…go down to Italy and Croatia then back up to Germany to curse whoever came up with those grim fairytales.” You smiled into your drink.

The Father laughed at that then put his pen down, “I’m sure you will see all of those places and more.”

Your smile faltered a little. If you could get of that island, maybe. Did you want to get off Crockett? Would it be so horrible if you died there?

Your mood dropped.

Father Pruitt’a mouth sat in a straight line when he saw your smile drop. You deserved more. A part of him wondered if the reason you weren’t fighting to leave anymore was because of him. Was he keeping you there? Clipping your wings?

You hadn’t attended Mass since that night. John didn’t ask you to come, he knew you would go if you wanted to. You prayed together every night, and listened to him talk about God in your private hide away. Where you could ask questions and interject.

“Your family called today?” John asked to change the topic.

You sucked in a breath, “Yes…a short call but it was nice to hear their voices…they want me to come for Christmas.”

John clenched his jaw, “I see.”

“I told them the ferries aren’t running very well. Not a total lie.” You shrugged and took a long drink.

He stayed quiet for a long moment.

“Why don’t you go?” He asked.

You looked up at him and laughed a little, “I think we both know the answer to that, Father.”

John looked away, and down at his pen, “If it weren’t for the…what happened, what would you do?”

“I’d…I’d probably go. Take some time away. Maybe book a ticket somewhere and see a piece of the world that isn’t Crockett shaped.” You thought aloud.

He nodded.

“That sounds nice.” He smiled quickly.

“We all have dreams, Father.” You replied.

You finished your drink and stood to place the cup in the sink. When you went to pass by him to return to your seat, the Father’s hand caught yours.

“Come here.” He hummed and pointed to the paper infront of him, “What do you think of this?” He asked you.

You looked down over his shoulder and saw a paragraph he was writing for his sermon. You pursed your lips, and found that your neck was growing stiff at the angle, so you scooted between him and the desk and sat on his lap to read better. You had grown used to sitting in close proximity to the Monsignor, and simply began to read.

John’s breath hitched at your action and he went still for a moment. Certainly you had both been close, but you had never plopped yourself over his legs before. He knew it was just you gaining comfort around him, which was positive, but the action still had him swallowing thickly. Closeness was still something he was being accustomed to after a lifetime of so little. It used to be so easy to ignore any sort of…feelings such as this, but since his regained youth he truly felt like a young man again, and found himself relearning to temper his humanity.

“Well?” He asked in your ear, steadying his breath.

You shifted a little and cleared your throat, “Um it’s good.” You said, “You might want to rephrase this part…sounds a little “holier than thou”.”

His brows pitched up and he leaned closer to read. He looked over the sentence you pointed to and nodded along, trying to ignore the warmth your body bled into him. It seeped into his skin and heated his veins.

“Good…thank you, my dear.” He murmured from behind you, and you turned your head a little to see him in your peripheral.

“My pleasure, Monsignor.”

He grit his teeth at the name. It wasn’t that it bothered him. There was just something about you saying it that reminded him of himself. He gave you a tight smile.

You went to stand, but he slipped an arm around your waist to keep you there, “Sit with me for a while.” He hummed, but had already begun to rewrite the section. You might have protested…or your might not have. You didn’t know which you would choose if you did have a choice.

With his large hand planted against your stomach, and curling to your hip, you stayed put. You shifted to let him see what he was doing, and rested your head into the crook of his neck. He wore no collar nor black shirt…just a tshirt and cardigan. You reached out and picked up his rosary from the desk, and toyed with it. After a moment, you opened your hand, and placed the cross against the little scar you had from your own digging into your hand on Easter.

“Must’ve hurt.”

You jumped a little at his voice and looked up. Your nose bumped his. You hadn’t noticed he had stopped writing altogether, and had been watching you.

“Not as badly as you’d think.” You whispered, looking away quickly to stare down at your hand again.

You saw his arm move from around you to grasp your fingers and bring them up to his mouth where he placed a kiss over the pinkish scar. You felt your ears grow warm, and you tried to pull your hand away, but he wasn’t done. John stroked his thumb over it, and leaned away from you to relax into the back of his chair.

“We should get you to bed, little one.” He mused.

You nodded, though you didn’t feel very tired.

He helped you to stand, and guided you into the back of the rectory. You both knelt facing the cross above the door, but when you went to hand his rosary back to him he shook his head and took yours from the bedside table. It felt oddly intimate to be using each other’s rosary for prayer, and you found your cheeks warming again at the thought of it.

You heard Father John begin a prayer for the night, and you forced yourself to focus on it. Not on how his voice dipped into a low hum that vibrated in your ears and made your fingertips tingle. You told yourself it was just the proximity of someone you had once admired. Someone who, despite the horrible things he had done, cared for you. Not the warmth that simmered just below your pelvis.

“Amen.”

You blinked and glanced at the man beside you and muttered a quiet amen like you had been listening. When he went to rise, you found yourself still rooted to the spot; John halted his movement and settled back down next to you. He didn’t ask any questions nor made any comment. He was patient for you, and if you needed a moment longer, he would join you.

Your eyes were glazed over as you stared at a chip in the paint on the wall, but your ears were alive with the memory of that song the Father danced with you to.

Hallelujah…hallelujah…

You blinked, and sucked in a breath, then released it slowly through your nose. Father John tilted his head to watch you thoughtfully, and you copied his movement. The dim light from a single lamp in the living room cast a warm glow over half his face; one eye glinting in the darkness. Your gaze met his, and you felt your lungs beg for air when you saw reminiscent of the man he used to be. His face soft and vulnerable as he watched you with such fondness.

The selfish and childish part of you whispered to itself in question, “Did love feel like this?” And your other part wished so badly to say no, but it stayed quiet because it didn’t know…and it let that other half wonder idly.

You repeated that question over and over in your mind. Is it? You didn’t know. Not that you had to wonder for long, not when he bowed his head and pressed his lips to yours…and the question vanished. It wasn’t answered, but when he kissed you again, you had no space for wonderment. His hand came up to the nape of your neck to cradle your jaw, stroking small, encouraging circles there. If they could speak they would whisper, “That’s it…that’s it. I’ve got you.” in your ear.

You timidly brought your hands up to his shoulders, not certain if you were to push on them or tug them closer. Your uncertainty seemed to have an answer when he gently ushered his tongue into your mouth. Your little fists slipped over his shoulders just as they did when he carried you to bed at night, and his hand eased around your waist like he did when he held you in his lap while he wrote.

You let him press you close, and you could feel his lean frame flush against you; he elicited a moan from you that he gulped down.

A precious sound.

Then as you sunk into one another, he pulled away just momentarily to pick you up and ease you onto the bed. The plushness enveloped you and his hand slipped to the back of your head to cradle your skull as he returned his mouth to yours and climbed over you carefully. This time you tentatively licked into his mouth, and received a pleased hum in reply as he allowed you.

You repeated the action as you welcomed him over you, placing your knees on either side of his hips. This time he shuttered ever so slightly, and pressed himself closer. You felt one of his hands move to your thigh, stroking it softly like he cherished it, while his other had his fingers twisting into your hair to hold you in place as he grew greedy, and stoked your pining.

Slowly, John pulled away, pecking light kisses to your lips until he was bracing himself over you.

““He who guards his mouth guards his soul. One who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”…I would happily let you be my ruin.” He whispered.

You stared up at him, eyes heavy, “And what of my ruin, Monsignor?”

He smiled thoughtfully, brushing hair from your forehead, “You will have no ruin. Sunlight cannot be ruined.”

“And what about nightfall?” You countered as his face inches closer to you.

“The sun will always be shining somewhere…and if not then let me be that temporary darkness that borrows your glow if only for a while.” He spoke against your lips, and kissed you slowly.

That warm constriction in your belly wove and churned until the heat of it gave you made your toes curl in your warm socks, and arch your back into him like he wasn’t close enough. You hadn’t the faintest idea a body could be capable of such want, and you were intent to allow it to run its course.

That fist that cinched your hair tugged when your thighs tightened around him to draw him closer. A gasp pulled from your lips and John pressed his hips into you, and the rough jean rubbed you so suddenly you cried out into his mouth and along his tongue that knew your taste.

You whined and tugged at his shoulders; that feeling inside you becoming overwhelming. You were at a loss for words to communicate what you wanted, and it was as if he could feel your need for something…something.

He slowed his mouth and pulled away just a breath, “Tell me what you want.” He hummed.

Your eyes went wide and you looked away only for him to chase your gaze, and tut you. “Cmon.” He cooed. You might have thought he was teasing you if he had been anyone else. But John Pruitt was staring back at you like your answer to his question would determine the course of the rest of his life.

“I-…I don’t…I don’t know I’ve never…” you stumbled over your confession.

John nodded, gaze locked on you intently, “Of course…I understand.”

A beat passed between you two, and you were preparing yourself for him to pull off of you and tell you that he couldn’t-

“I’ll be good to you…if you’ll let me.” He whispered.

Trust.

You bit the inside of your lip as you thought; he didn’t move an inch.

Very slowly, you nodded, “Okay.”

He grinned ever so slightly, just enough to show those pointed peaks of his teeth. “Okay.” He repeated.

He leaned away from you then, and helped you to sit up while he rocked back onto his heels to give you room. He pulled off your sweater just as carefully as he had when he had undressed you after your attack.

“Arms up.” He murmured and you did as he said for him to tug your dress over your head.

A part of John was wailing at him to look away from you and to let you keep your dignity. Told him to dress you and take you home and tell you that he wasn’t a good person. But John had always had a tendency for selfishness, and he knew you were letting yourself be just as selfish as he. He knew you were likely having the same or similar thoughts.

So when he let himself look at you.

He let himself gorge on your beauty.

Greedy. Gluttonous.

He remembered then when he was on the cusp of priesthood when he must have been just a little younger than you. How his mentors would remind him of the perils of the seven sins, and how they would test him when he least expected it. How he would have to employ the Lords graces to overcome them. But John more vividly remembered how those same priests would overfill themselves at holiday feasts, and how he had caught a few staring a little too long at women and girls during services. It was difficult to fear their words when they themselves betrayed them.

Which was why John felt guiltless as the fabric came away from you.

Because he would much rather fear the true wrath of God than the intimidating warnings of men. And if God disapproved of the admiration of one of his creations, then John would take the punishment if he was granted this one time to fill his senses with you.

Your hands shook. And you dropped your arms back down as he placed the garment to the side. You half expected him to remain clothed, but he remained where he was and shrugged off his sweater, and grabbed the back of his plain shirt, and pulled it over his head.

You stared up at his form- still and curious. John took your hand in his, and placed it on his chest where his heart used to beat. Feeling his skin somehow made him feel so much more human. Like there wasn’t a lifetime between you and different blood in your veins.

He sighed at your touch and closed his eyes when he sunk back down to you and your hand moved along his collarbone to his neck to the nape where his dark hair curled. Your other hand joined, and tugged a little on the tender hairs there.

He took his hands away from you for only a moment to kick his jeans to the floor, then he returned to you- skin against yours and the veil of your underwear between you. It felt so foreign to know what his flesh felt like. Of course you knew he was born to this world just as every other being- bare as a babe. But he had become so superior in his status that the idea that he had calves and biceps and skin and hair under his chasuble took away so much of that inhuman pedestal you had unknowingly put him on.

Heat seemed to radiate between you both, and your skin became sticky against the winter chill that crept inside through minor holes and cracks in the old building. You pulled at him and tried to press him closer but it wasn’t enough. You didn’t know what it was, but your greed that you had so perfectly neglected since childhood seemed to rear its head with the Father against you.

You found your dwindling strength to push him away and he chased your mouth for a moment and you let him- open mouthed kisses from afar.

“F-father I’m- I- I um…” you tried to shift and squirm to get your point across but even you didn’t know what you wanted.

The older man above you watched intently with almost a paternal care as you tried to explain yourself.

“Is there a gluttonous warmth that’s settled in that belly of yours, sweet girl?” He asked with a small smirk that truly caught you off guard. You suddenly remembered that he was not entirely inexperienced such as yourself, and you briefly wondered if he has always been a little domineering, or if his age had snubbed it or perhaps it was an embraced trait with his renewed youth.

Your mouth lay agape for a moment, then you nodded and squeezed your thighs around him. The stiffness you felt there pressing insistently against your clothed flesh managed to intimidate your insatiability, but didn’t curb it.

“Would you allow me the gift of bringing you to rapture?” He asked so softly, pecking a kiss to the corner of your mouth and caressing your cheek while his other hand’s thumb stroked under your bra’s band.

Your poor mind attempted to catch up, but his touch was making your head spin and melt. His purred question had you recalling everything you had been taught since childhood by your family, “Father isn’t…we…it’s a-“ you started.

“You might think that…but it cannot be a sin. Not when you are this lovely and willing…You are no temptation…you are a gift.” He countered easily. Like he had thought about this before in detail.

“What if you are the temptation, Father?” You asked.

He grinned a little at your retort. Always one to keep him on his toes.

“If I am that, then is it not better to indulge in me than an irrefutable sin another time?” He nudged your nose with his.

You realized then that never once had you ever heard him preach the sins of the flesh. Indeed that temptations were made to misguide us, but never specifically that.

You breathed his air, and flushed your eyes between his, “Then bless me, Father.” You whispered before you could tell yourself it was wrong.

John’s breath caught in his throat, and he could almost feel his pupils expanding into dinner plates.

Cheeky girl.

“It was always going to be you…” he mused aloud, looking over your face, “No disobedience like Adam and Eve listening to the serpent… no you are…you are too good. My holy deliverance.” He kissed you so tenderly.

Then he kissed your cheek, and down your neck to your shoulder where he pulled the strap of your bra down. He followed the elastic to your chest and he helped you remove the article entirely. You looked away shyly, but he brought your attention back to him with a finger under your chin.

“There we go…look at me…you’re alright…” he whispered, a slight shake to his hand, “I’m with you.”

You nodded and sighed as you fought to not overthink.

Once Father John was certain you were alright, he kissed you one more time and began kissing your chest. His hands were a little timid and out of practice as he squeezed your opposite breast, though did not fail to make your toes curl as he pulled sounds from you that you stifled late at night and shamed yourself for; Hail Mary’s falling from your lips like breaths. He lapped at your skin as he descended down over your belly where your ecstasy lay tightly wound and molten.

He stopped then, and looked up at you , face a little shy in his want.

“Your fruit is the only harrowed offering I desire to eat…and if that makes me a sinner then I will humbly accept my punishment.” He murmured.

Your face was so warm you thought you may faint. You didn’t know the man with the stiff white collar and slightly nervous disposition could have such a blunt, honeyed tongue.

You leaned up a little then to look down at him as he kissed at the top of your panties.

“What are you…” you trailed off. You had had an educational sex talk with your mother when you were a teenager, and had read mentions of the various acts you could do, but you were at a loss with how Father John seemed to wish to venture further than just your stomach or hips.

It was no willing education that the holy man had gone through for sexual acts. It had been decades of confessions from islanders and tourists alike back when the island was alive. Some explicit ans some leaving him curious. Tales from visitors he didn’t know who came to spend a few weeks on Crockett and took advantage of the anonymity of the village confessional booth with a young pastor to hear their sins and absolve them before they returned to the city.

It took years, but after a while, he began to piece things together. They made his ears grow hot and his hands grip his rosary a little tighter.

But curious he remained.

Was a woman’s body so wholly splendorous that a man desired deeply to kiss upon her lips where no tongue sat between them? Would she taste as addictive as they said?

“I’d like to kiss you h-here…”he whispered, and so gently ran his index finger down the edge of your underwear where it curved down your thigh, “…please.”

His eyes were wide as he stared up to you; still so unsure but so lost in his desire to think twice.

“…okay.” You managed. Just as lost as he.

His veiny hands ran gentle trailed up and down your thighs, and he peppered kisses in their wake. You shivered and squirmed under the sensations he drew forth, and you wished you knew what to do with them. Were you supposed to moan or tell him what to do? Were you supposed to ask for more? You didn’t know. What you did know was that you wanted his hands to touch you, and that seemed like a good place to start.

It seemed you hadn’t been paying full attention for a moment, though your focus returned tenfold when you felt a warm kiss there against you. You twitched in surprise, and stared down at the man sat between your legs; his dark hair all tousled curls that fell over his forehead and gaze intently immersed in your reaction. He repeated the action, his lips caressing the fabric that still covered you. Your breathing became something you had to actively remember to do when he grasped the undergarment and pulled it down your legs.

With yourself bare to him, you reflexively notched your knees together, though he easily parted them with a little coaxing from his tongue running up your inner thigh.

“Fa-Father Pr-“ you stuttered out breathlessly.

“Shhh…I know…”he whispered against your hip where he kissed and ran a pointed tooth over your skin. He could barely hide the fact that you using his title affected him more than it should have. “Say a Hail Mary with me, sweet girl.” He said.

Your eyes went wide, and the devil in him reared its head for just a moment. He liked seeing you so shocked. But when he began to recite the prayer and you followed his lead, that heathen calmed a little.

“Hail Mary, f-full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed…” you realised the Father had stopped speaking and had begun running his lips down your hip to your pelvic bone, and he tilted his head to nestle his cheek against you for a moment.

“Continue.” He murmured.

You remembered to breathe, “B-blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb-“ you lost any ability to talk when Father Pruitt leaned down and pressed an open mouthed kiss to the delicate flesh between your thighs. You felt the tip of his tongue against you, and his large hands held you firmly in place.

“J-Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.” You rushed the end.

John looked up at you and kissed your thigh with a proud look in his dark eyes. “Amen.” He whispered.

Then slow and deliberate, he leaned back down and kissed you again, this time ushering his tongue into the slick pedals of skin. You stuttered out another deep breath, and clutched at the sheets beside you. He lathed his tongue in you and swallowed greedily, rutting himself into the bed while his long legs braced him. His hands began to guide you to roll your hips up into his open mouth and you found that sensitive spot that had your squeezing your eyes shut and your mouth dropping open in sinful gasp.

When your movements became more bold, and your fingers wove into his thick hair, Father John settled deeper into your flesh. He worked his jaw slow and steady. He was an attentive learner and listened to when your breathing stopped and felt your legs shake or your fingers pull him closer into you.

Then like he could hear your mind, he removed one of his hands from your legs and ran his index finger down the curve of your thigh to your entrance when he carefully pushed in; just as careful as when he turned the pages of the Bible. Your body jerked, and you couldn’t help the cry that he pulled from you as he sunk into you to the knuckle.

“How’s that?” He asked you just as breathless as you.

You couldn’t speak, and you found yourself starting to grow far too warm all at once.

“Good?” He prompted, patient as ever, “Tell me if it’s nice, young lady or I’ll have to stop.” He chastised you.

His comment curled deep inside you like his finger as he stroked you and lapped at your tender clit.

“I-it feels go-good Monsignor.” You managed to shoot back.

He grinned and suckled you into his mouth as he pumped you firm and slow. He knew there was somewhere inside you that would make heighten your pleasure, and he slowly teased and touched every inch he could reach until he found that patch of membrane inside you that had you bolting up and pushing his face into you harder.

“S-sorry I’m- I- Fath- Joh-“ you began to babble and try to form an apology as you immediately backed off, but his used his free hand to bring yours back to his head and had you push down again as he sucked and kissed and lapped at your sweetness.

The pressure of his touch had that coil in you start to vibrate and heat up to uncomfortable heights. Your moans came in constant succession, and you found that you couldn’t breathe without making a needy sound.

You were so lost in your own building euphoria that you didn’t see how Father John devoured and held you with such need that he shook and shuttered. A voice in his head asked him if this was for your pleasure alone, or was this his devout need to know what heaven was like when he was surly damned. His hips rocked and ground into the mattress making his ears ring with want.

Your movements met with his and he let you use him to catch that pleasure you had worked so hard for until your body went ridged. A relieved cry tore from your throat and your muscles constricted around his fingers- when had he added another?- and coated his tongue in his prize. You muscles ached from the tension you endured as you rocked against him to ride out your ecstasy. He licked at you gingerly, helping you through it as the blood stopped rushing in your eardrums.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, your eyes lost their glaze and you could look at him. John kissed your thigh, and slowly drew his fingers from you. You winced slightly, and your eyes grew heaviler when he lifted them to his mouth and sucked them clean like he had been waiting for that.

“There she is…” he whispered and kissed you one more time before climbing up your body and nestling his face into your neck. You locked your legs around him and pressed him against you, your breath hitching at the firmness there that prodded at you insistently.

“Wa-was that okay?” He murmured, and kissed your cheeks.

You nodded lazily and laughed a little. So old fashioned at heart, even in his youth. He smiled back, and blew air over your flushed face. He might have been about to say something else, but you tugged him down to your lips before much more than a muffled sound could come out. It couldn’t have been important as he gave into your want and returned your kiss.

It seemed you both grew aware of the heady need that still hung in the air and your joined lips slowed and stopped until you were both simply laying there with your mouths close to one another.

You flushed with embarrassment when a thought crossed your mind- one that belonged in the gutter. Evidently your burning cheeks were observed by the older man, and his eyes grew searching.

“Tell me…” he whispered, and kissed your temple.

You looked away and fidgeted, then subconsciously looked down.

John tracked your gaze, and when it flickered between you, he had a small idea of what was ailing you.

“We- we don’t…” he started, but you shook your head.

“Its not…I- can- can I-“ you fumbled and squirmed.

He stared at you, and felt your hands toy at the nape of his neck.

“Touch me?” He asked, seeing if that was what you wanted.

You couldn’t look at him, but you nodded ever so slightly.

He sucked in a breath to steady himself as he grew lightheaded.

“…give me your hand, sweet girl.” He shuttered and swallowed.

You timidly removed one of your hands from his neck, and gave it to him. The good Father paused for just a moment to check on you, but you bit at your lip and nodded again, and he continued. He rolled a little to the side, and guided your hand down to his waistband. He didn’t take his eyes off you for a moment, and you followed suit in staring back. He helped you slip your little hand inside, and you could feel him pulse against your palm.

Johns breath caught in his throat, and he closed his eyes when you shyly touched him. You ran your hand gently up his shaft, and grew a little more empowered when his hips jerked towards you. Then, you slowly wrapped your hand around him, and his eyes fell shut and his mouth dropped open with a sigh.

You watched him closely, completely unsure of what you were doing as you moved your hand up and back down. You squeezed him slightly, and his head fell into your shoulder with a soft groan. You dragged you hand back up to the tip, and found a wetness there that helped you. It only took a few moments before he was gently taking your wrist and rolling you back under him.

“I’m- I’m sorry…I can’t- please…” he murmured and you nodded again as he took himself out slowly. John braced himself above you, just a few inches away to see you properly, and he sighed. You really were so…so beautiful.

So lovely.

He blinked, and swallowed.

You started breathing deeply when you felt his slick skin against you, and he kissed you again.

“Shh…take a deep breath for me, litttle one.” He said calmly like his own hands didn’t have an elated tremor to them, “C’mon, with me: in…” he took a breath in, and you followed his lead; his eyes held yours in the dim light, and you felt safe.

There was a pressure at your tender flesh that you seemed to crave as your cramped muscles relaxed and gave away to his body.

“And out…” he imitated for you, and you did as he said, though you found it difficult to breathe. The fragile skin slickened, and welcomed him inside you, and you found yourself pressing every inch of yourself against his damp skin to touch, touch, touch.

John sighed and buried his face into your shoulder where your scar was still fresh. He kissed there and scraped his teeth over the unevenness; your nerves were set alight, and you constricted around him suddenly at the sensation. He smiled and kissed again then trailed up your neck to your cheek where he gathered your lips with his again and swallowed your gasp as he pressed himself further until you couldn’t take anymore.

“There you go…such a g-good girl…you alright?” He whispered as he gasped in his own euphoria.

You took a couple breaths then nodded; the stretch that your muscles completed to accommodate him made you ache, but when his addictive kiss coated your lips with his saliva, it ebbed away.

“Deep breaths…there we go just like th-that..”

He started slow. Gentle rocking of his hips into yours as he stroked your thighs and distracted you with sweet encouragement in your ears. Introducing your body to sensations it began to crave and demand. And after a few minutes, your pelvis began to chase his as he moved until he started to lengthen his rocking- drawing further and further out of you and rooting himself inside you like a plant looking for soil.

Your whining in his ear only furthered his chase for pleasure. Your pleas and moans that he savoured and swallowed. Then when one of his hands left you and disappeared between your bodies, you tried to see what he was doing, but your curiosity was sated when you felt him press just above where he entered you, and stroked you so gently. The sounds you cried out into the small, dark room were enough to summon angels and demons alike to bear witness to your willing invasion.

“How’s that sweet girl?” Came his whisper that curled in your ear and peaked your nipples.

“I’m- I-“ you breathed out an attempted response to convey your approval but to no avail.

You could feel his smile against your skin, and you let him touch you like it belonged to him. You rolled your hips to meet his- slow and steady. You began a succinct string of breathless supplications that played in repetitive order in Johns head as he felt you begin to constrict around him. It took his well practiced willpower and patience to remain composed with you. The selfishness in him wished for him to lock his arms around you and take his pleasure from you as if it was something owed, but he knew he was better than that. He was more than the poison in his veins.

For you he would be better.

Then your nails found purchase in the skin on his back as his pace grew insistent, and he groaned a low hum into your neck. But despite the mounting pressure of sybaritism, he kept his hand steady and calm as he helped you meet your own bliss. It wasn’t that he was well practiced or that he knew what he was doing, but he had hearing that could detect every time your breath caught and when a secret gasp would sit in your throat. Just as he had been with priesthood, he was an eager and curious learner, and he was just as dedicated to knowing what your body craved.

John paused for only a moment to readjust you against him; he knelt before you and shifted your hips up to compensate for the change, then his hands gripped your thighs and pushed them down to your torso and guided your hands to hold them. As he slipped back inside you, your swollen mouth dropped open and he crawled back down to you.

“There we go…that’s it.” He whispered, voice shaking so slightly.

So many explicit confessions from his youth had initially made his ears turn pink and his hands shake from the salaciousness; yet now here he was murmuring those same words into your eager ears.

Any Hail Mary’s he might prescribe after having you under him would be hollow. Not when he knew the enjoyment of such tender flesh. You were the epitome of sublime in your chase for pleasure, and he knew he shouldn’t find such carnal desire in seeing you lose yourself. Yet there he was, wanting to savour every moment of your young body falling apart for him to devour.

Your eyes grew heavy and nearly slipped shut. That furnace in your belly was on the brink of combustion, and the good Father only stoked it. So you let him. You relaxed completely and let your mind go blank as he moved you to completion. You could feel your muscles start to tighten around him, and curl to pull him deeper and closer.

Then bliss…

You could barely register your elevated cries into his shoulder as he brought himself closer to you, his eyes crinkling with pride. You rolled your pelvis up to meet his at pleasure overtook you and used you like a marionette to procure every ounce of your deserved euphoria.

Warmth filled your tummy when Father Pruitt went still. He shuttered and sighed low in his chest as he held you tight and filled you.

Your heartbeat pulsed between your chests, and was like thunder in John’s ears. The rush of your blood through veins and your body trying to recover were like music to his ears. John kissed your shoulder, and sighed.

Neither of you spoke…no words to say or sound to make. A mutual silence.

Slowly, he drew away from you, and you found yourself feeling empty. Had you always been so empty?

He lay to your side and pulled you back against him like you used to embrace a pillow on stormy nights as a child.

It was only when he brought your hand up to his mouth to press a kiss there did you both notice that you still clutched his rosary; an imprint of its beads and cross evident in your palm.

“Amen.” He hummed and looked up at you softly.

You faintly smiled and he savoured the expression. A look of fondness.

There was a peculiar feeling inside you, and it wasn’t the way you ached from him or how warm you were. It lasted days as they passed, and only seemed to grow with the more kisses you shared.

When he would run his nose along your neck and hold your hips against him or when he would tilt his head down to you when in the middle of reading and taste your tongue with his if only for a moment.

But also when he would remain calm and honest when his hunger grew. When fear never returned to you. When you both would visit Hassan’s grave at night and he would tell you stories as you readied for bed.

It was the startling question of whether you wanted to stay. And what that would entail. When he had asked you just days ago about your wishes, you had of course wanted to see your family and travel, and in the depths of your heart you still wished to do those and more. But the longer Father John held you, the further those dreams seemed to be.

Would it be so horrible if you stayed? If you lived there forever with John Pruitt and rebuilt your routine there? Would it truly be sinful to alter Gods plan and will and give in to eternal life? Something you had so greatly feared?

Which was why you turned to John one night as he lay beside you. He held you in his arms and was waiting for you to fall asleep before feeding when you sighed.

“Father?” You asked.

He smiled, “You know you don’t ha-“

“Force of habit…forgive me.” You smiled a little too, “I…I’d like to stay.”

Johns brow pinched, “At the rectory? My dear I think we’re past-“

“No I mean…I mean here. On Crockett.” You murmured into his clavicle, and he took a steady breath, “I’m ready.”

He was quiet for a moment, then he nodded, “Alright.” He whispered and kissed your hair.

You thought he sounded pleased. In a way he was. Turmoil had been making his stomach sour as he dreaded that moment. Wondering what your choice would be. But as you said those words into his skin, it was as if a weight had been lifted.

This was his moment to set you free.

You fell asleep on him just as you had often now, and he let himself indulge in your sweet warmth for a while longer.

His last selfish act.

They say if you’re hungry enough, you’ll start to eat your own heart. John’s was gone long, long ago, with only a cavernous need to adore and worship left behind. He knew that one day his hunger would grow too much for his abilities to curb it, and he was not about to let you meet that same horrible fate.

He needed to do right by you.

For you, he would be better.

He knew that having you to hold each day and converse with and grieve with and laugh with would be a paradise, but he knew it wasn’t what you deserved. John hoped you would forgive him one day for what he would do.

But he knew it was what you needed, just not what you wanted.

He slipped from your grasp and found that bag that you counted as your home. He gathered all your little trinkets and books, and found that knife you had long forgotten about. John found his eyes start to prickle as he finished. Your little life in one bag all because of him.

Next, he sat as his desk, picked up his pen, and began to scrawl a note on a piece of paper.

What have I done…

John sighed and continued. His chest ached a terrible pain, and he feared it may fall right out of his chest. Of course it didn’t, but somehow he was certain the pain still wouldn’t have surpassed what he felt then.

He signed it, and folded the paper into his pocket, then he began writing another note entirely. This one he didn’t fold- instead this one would sit atop his desk for the time being.

Then, he picked your bag up and slung it over his back, and moved back to where you lay. It took him half an hour to sit you up gently and slip your coat on without you waking. He knew he didn’t have long. John finished dressing you- socks and boots and all- and hoisted you into his arms.

He forwent his own coat, and cast a look around the rectory to see any last reminders of you. There was only a cup in the sink from you. And he smiled at it.

With you tight against his chest, the Father left the rectory, and strode through the damp grass to the main road. The stones crunched under his boots, and he let his vast memory overtake him as he walked. Memories of seeing you that first morning when he returned. How he had danced with you; how he had looked forward to seeing you. How badly he wanted the best for you, and how poorly that had turned out. He thought of how wonderful it had felt when you finally let him help you…your smile, your kindness, your resilience, your intelligence, your selflessness. He let it all fill him up. John pressed a kiss to your head when you stirred a little, and shushed you until you settled.

His precious little lamb.

You didn’t even bleat as a wolf held you.

A chill brushed your cheeks as you awoke. There was a calm rock that soothed you and kept you just on the edge of opening your eyes. You nuzzled your face further into John’s chest , but something felt off. You sighed, and thought nothing of it until you realized it was your own arm that you were laying on.

And you were cold.

You jolted awake and sat up. Your eyes flickered around in a fright. Under you was a bench, and as you looked at your surroundings, there was water. You were on the Belle.

Alone.

A lump rose in your throat as you pushed yourself up and nearly tripped over your bag that was at your feet. You ran to the railing, and saw that you still weren’t too far from the marina. The next thing that dawned on you was that it was getting light out.

As you gripped the railing, you felt something dig into your hand, and when you looked down, you fought for breath.

“No…” you whispered, “No, no…”

Father Pruitt’s rosary was wrapped around your hand, securing a note to it.

You unwrapped it frantically, and opened the note with shaking hands. At first you didn’t look down at it as you began walking down the side of the boat to look back at the dock. A single tear broke free from your eye when you saw that familiar figure standing on the edge of the platform staring back at you.

You gasped for a breath, and finally began to read. But as you did, you had to fight against tears to see the elegant handwriting.

“Hello little one,

You may not understand now, but I need you to know that you are free now. You had always been sunshine, and you deserved to shine. I have been a selfish man for much of my life, but you would be my one selfless act.

You will find a church with a preacher who reminds you of God and lights your soul. See the world that is not shaped like Crockett Island and breathe in its splendour.

Look for me in solar eclipses, sweet girl; when the moon touches the sun just as you let me grace your glow. You might think of me in years to come as a dark time in your life…and know that I will indeed think of you.

You were a blessing.

You were everything.

Saying goodbye isn’t close to what I want to say, but it is what you need to hear.they say that the worst farewells are the ones unsaid and unexplained. I do not wish to give you any more grief. Which is why I must hurt you this one last time…then no more.

I am with you, sweet angel girl.

Always.

Yours,

John M. Pruitt”

Your head felt far too light at your body far too heavy. You felt bile rise against the lump of grief in your throat.

“John…” you whispered like you had never spoken before. You could barely hear yourself against the ringing in your ears. Then all at once, you realized how bright the sky was, and he wasn’t moving from his place on the dock.

You cried his name louder than you thought you could.

John stood, watching you from the pier.

You screamed his name.

You were terrified for him.

John knew he had to hurt you one last time. Just one. He needed you to never come back.

One more time and then you would be free. John knew better than anyone that grief was just love with nowhere else to go. It was bottled up and leaked out through your eyes and scraped at your esophagus.

“It’s alright, little one…” he whispered, “You don’t need me anymore.”

His dark eyes gleamed with tears that once would have been hot against his cheeks as they fell. Grief. Just love compressed with a cork.

You frantically looked from him to the thin white line that was beginning to form on the horizon as the sun rose. You saw him say something, and somehow you knew he was trying to comfort you.

“John!!! JOHN GO HOME!” You cried, anxiety starting to squeeze your throat, “Please!!”

You could see a fond smile on his face as he gazed at you, and he extended his arm in a wave as if to say “See you again old friend.”

Come back soon.

But you knew then that he had no intention of letting you see him again.

He was setting you free.

And John knew then.

He knew that when you finally passed and you drew your last breath, you would feel a spring breeze against your skin and smell fresh flowers and live in the sunlight for eternity.

But with that realization came his own fate. John knew that when he had enough, and he let his body burn, he would only awaken to the scent of scorched forests and stale air.

Much like the smell following the Easter vigil all those months go.

And John realized that he had indeed already been living in his own death all along.

His own personal hell.

And John remembered then how he had once compared you to a person trying to stay afloat in a body of water with nothing but hope to keep you going. But he saw then that you had never been near drowning; you had never been on the cusp of being dragged down into the depths of the ocean.

He had been the one astray.

And John saw that now, as the sun crested over the empty horizon.

So he took a breath…and let it out.

And he let the cold swell of his fate pull him under.

His eternity.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

@littleredwritingcat @zaunite-leo @f4er1e-g1rl @purplemotif @vampyre-kin @hamishlinklaters @spacechupss @pansexualpamandabear @ebiemidnightlibrarian @erialuna @nilla-bear @vintageglassheart02 @ethanhoewke @dancingisdangerouss @cherrysugarx @daisychainsinknots @thesoundresoundsecho

[thewisecheerio]

Elden Ring, Systemic Oppression, and Scapegoating

The most chilling lore associated with Messmer is this line from his armor set:

On his mother's wishes, Messmer made himself a symbol of fear, undertaking the cleansing crusade she desired. "Direct thy maledictions, thine ire, and thy grief towards me alone."

Yes, it's driven by compassion. Yes, he's doing it out of a desire for his mother to be able to "correct" the things she suffered. Yes, yes, very sweet, we all love the snake man and the way he wields his compassion to do vast evil.

But you know what else this does? By directing all ire toward Messmer, he makes himself the scapegoat for the system, allowing the flogging to continue endlessly. He is distracting from the real problem, on purpose, so that no one targets the real problem. Messmer is singlehandedly the most potent weapon in Marika's arsenal for enforcing her oppressive vision on the world and maintaining its power.

When you're suffering under a bad system and have no easy scapegoat for that suffering, you understand that the system itself is the source. You understand that you must remake the system from the ground up for anything to change. But when you DO have that easy scapegoat, what happens?

"If only we got rid of Current Leader, everything would be better."

"If only we got rid of Single Bad Law, everything would be better."

"If only I made better individual choices, everything would be better."

The reality is that none of these actions can undermine the power of a system that is rotten to the core:

A single bad leader will be replaced with another bad leader--as we see with Marika's children trying to replace her rule without fundamentally changing how the system functions.

A single bad law cannot deconstruct all the harm to targets of other laws--as we see with Fia's or Dung's ending that only prioritize a single oppressed group without regard for any other.

And individual choices? No matter how many good individual choices you make to help NPC you meet along the way in Elden Ring, the Golden Order itself will continue to oppress the Hornsent, the Misbegotten, any remaining piece of Fire Giant culture, and so on. You cannot help these groups with individual actions, because individual actions rarely solve a collective problem.

No, the only way to stop the Golden Order from harming people is to destroy and replace the system entirely. Ymir even tells us so:

I fear that you have borne witness to the whole of it. The Conceits - the hypocrisy - of the world built upon the Erdtree. The follies of men. Their bitter suffering. Is there no hope for redemption? The answer, sadly, is clear. There never was any hope. They were each of them defective. Unhinged, from the start. Marika herself. And the fingers that guided her. And this is what troubles me. No matter our efforts if the roots are rotten, then we have little recourse.

By giving Queen Marika (and by extension, the Greater Will) a scapegoat for all the evil of the Golden Order and its systemic oppression of its outgroups, Messmer has actually handed her the key to solidifying her rule. By distracting from the rotten system itself and laying all blame at his own feet, Messmer has ensured that the systemic oppression of the Golden Order would remain unaddressed—even unnoticed by its followers—far longer than it ever should have been allowed.

[appleflavoredkitkats]

something about sigcorp and legacy and the meta aspect of the literal games themselves unable to perceive these characters OUTSIDE of sigcorp (the literal symbol of legacy) and the actual discussions of legacy. like how the three games before this feel like they should fully build up to a final, long game but actually we got. a beach episode. the shortest game out of it (excluding the holiday specials). the way we are immediately greeted with the idea of grief and neil's death and. oh. he's just dead. like yes we expected him to be sick and close to death for so long but i didn't expect for the game to be so outright with neil's death. and it's! it goes with the whole stupidity of neil and lynri and sigcorp's whole ordeal with legacy and accomplishment. about how the narrative didn't even end in the way we expected because legacy is unsustainable. now we have a game that literally strays the most away with sigcorp duties, a hard left from what we're used to. because. because neil's dead. he died suddenly. it turns sigcorp's entire ideology around, and for the first time we don't start or end with a sigcorp business ordeal. neil's just. dead. and sometimes i think about how it's advised to never look at grief as a narrative with a meaningful ending because death isn't a narrative. it just happens. so of course the beach episode doesn't present itself the same. fuck man

[blazinginsquids]

Arcane and Macbeth, and what this means for Caitlyn, Ambessa, Jinx, and Isha Theory

Somebody on Reddit mentioned that this image from the season 2 intro of Caitlyn looked like a Macbeth poster. Obviously I wasn’t the first to notice this, but I did decide to make this post explaining what this means.

Caitlyn being in the position of Macbeth immediately tells us something- She’s in a position of power. One she feels guilty for being in- The guilt eating her alive. After killing King Duncan, Macbeth begins frantically washing his hands in water, and comes to a sudden realization that becoming king comes with the cost of guilt for the unjust way he obtained his power-

“Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red” (Act 2 Scene 2) the literal meaning of this quote is that no amount of water can wash the blood off his hands and that his attempts to clean himself would turn the entire ocean red. Taking this metaphorically, he’s saying he’ll never be free of his guilt and anything he does to try and save himself would just poison the world around him.

I see people wondering if Caitlyn will have her own “pitfighter Vi” moment. I think the Macbeth symbolism is proof she will. Following the parallels, Caitlyn will act in ways to try to rid herself of the guilt she feels for hurting Zaun, and for hurting Vi. Whatever she does in an attempt to rid herself of guilt will backfire and hurt the people closest to her, and Piltover as a whole.

Based on LoL lore and the fact Caitvi are canonically together by then, I have a hard time believing Caitlyn won’t get an onscreen redemption arc, meaning her similarities to Macbeth end there. However I think this could still give us insight into how Ambessa, Jinx and Isha will fair the rest of the season.

I’ve already seen people compare Ambessa to Lady Macbeth, given that she’s the pulling the strings, the one who convinces Macbeth to kill King Duncan and take the throne. Lady Macbeth goes mad of grief throughout the play. Act 5 Scene 1 shows her sleepwalking and revealing the truth as she speaks. This could possibly indicate that Ambessa herself isn’t as unfazed as she first appears to be, and will reveal the truth through an unintentional admission of guilt. I personally don’t see Ambessa doing this, but I thought I’d mention it regardless since I’ve seen others draw parallels.

Now, something I haven’t seen mentioned at all is that there’s one key thing stopping Macbeth’s future lineage from becoming king: A vision that Banquo’s children will become the future kings of Scotland. After obtaining power, it becomes Macbeth’s mission to eliminate Banquo and his son- A parallel I think best suits Jinx and Isha. Jinx has become the defacto leader of Zaun and represents every bit of grief Caitlyn feels. By killing her- She solves “the problem”. But if Jinx became leader in place of Silco, her father figure, who takes Jinx’s role? Logically, a child who looks up to her. enter Isha, the stand in for Banquo’s son.

In the play itself, Banquo is killed, but his son survives. Do I think this means Caitlyn will succeed in killing Jinx, but not Isha? I can’t say. I feel as if these parallels exist solely to set up the way Caitlyn feels/reacts in Act 2 as opposed to a step by step instruction on how the plot will move forward (Hence why I’m hesitant to claim Ambessa revealing the truth as akin to Lady Macbeth seems like a stable idea- It does not). I do however think there is intentionality behind adding in Macbeth symbolism, and I fully believe that some parts of the play will parallel with the plot of season 2.

[sizzlingcloudmentality]

repenting

artwork credit: "The Great Hop" by Dillon Samuelson

pairing: Dave York x f!reader

word count: ~ 1.5k words

summary: Dave and you, two utterly scarred people, meet for stress relieving sex only. But damn, it’s hard. 

tags/warnings: explicit, angst, able-bodied reader, no use of y/n, allusions to unprotected p in v, smut (creampie, f!oral) but it’s hidden in between words and metaphors, church symbolism I guess, a whole lot of confession metaphors, DM me if I missed any

a/n: I missed writing for my man Dave and I just want him to feel good. So I tried to give him some comfort. Basically my plea for his innocence, your honor, Dave has done nothing wrong. thanks to @guiltyasdave for sending me hugs and beta'ing <3

dividers: @/saradika-graphics

Dave is not a good man. He wants to be but somewhere along his way it got dark and he got confused and took a wrong turn. And then another one and another one. And now he is playing the lead role in this play that is his life.

He is tainted, dirty, he stains whatever he touches. He is Midas but what he touches doesn't turn into gold, it starts rotting. Innocence got corrupted by his badness. And so he looks for someone who is not innocent anymore, someone who was already dying so he is not the one to blame this time. And you? You looked for your own darkness in someone else. To be swallowed whole and to not have to feel for one fucking moment and to feel everything at once.

Of course your paths crossed, scavenger and carrion always end up together. But the lines are blurry between you both and neither one of you knew who was who. Not that it matters, not in the slightest.

It was a silent agreement. You meet, release stress and never ask questions or get personal. Two adults with needs. With the hunger for connection and life, but too scared to connect more than your bodies. 

Being open and permeable for feelings other than lust only meant pain in the long run. And both of you’ve had more than your fill. You are overflowing with pain. You do not want to add to that.

You set up meetings. A hotel room or your place, it was all the same. All you needed was an hour to release whatever has built up since the last time you’ve met. 

It was impersonal. A ‘Hello, how are you?’ at best. And every further attempt at small talk got cut off either by you or by him, with a yank of a shirt, with a shove to make the other one stumble onto the bed or against the wall. With a kiss that eats every word out of the other’s mouth and replaces them with grunts and moans. You had a routine: anger, grief, repenting. It was the perfect recipe for people like you: too lonely to stay alone but too afraid to let the mask of numbness fall.  

What you both did was ugly and selfish. Taking what you needed and giving what you didn’t want to carry around with you anymore. It looked like hate sex. It felt like it, too. But the hate you felt wasn’t directed at the other one. It was directed at yourself and the constant feeling of being a failure, a disappointment. You fucked the hate out of your bodies until it left you and got stuck on you instead. It manifested itself in the sticky residue of sweat, slick, spit, semen, sometimes blood. And when you washed the layer of anger and lust off your skins there were still imprints left. Silent witnesses of what you did to each other.

At times you were like animals, all canines and claws, more fighting than fucking. More scratching and biting and bruising than making use of holes and crevices. When you fought for domination it was never about dominating the other one, it was about dominating your own demons that ran a dictatorship in your souls and brains. And when the skin tingled where later the first bruises would bloom in rich scarlet and purple and the scratches started swelling and stinging you licked your wounds.

You licked his, the red ridges on his chest and thighs, those crests that tasted of salt and copper and your fury. And Dave licked yours. Soothing the imprints of his teeth in your softest flesh with his tongue, pressed flat against the underside of your breasts and the flesh between your shoulder blades. He cleaned your skin off the white, salty trails of your angry tears with little licks. Both of your palates were coated in salt, iron, despair but it all tasted better than the contempt for your own existence.

With the tending of each other's wounds comes a softness you both don’t want. Softness from soft touches makes the hard crust soften and crumble. Dave clearly sees the hurt in you, not just on your and his body, but the one behind your eyes whenever you avoid his gaze. He could smell it, the fear of being seen oozed out of your pores, only covered up by the strong stench of stubbornness and faked independence. He wasn’t mad about it, his scent was the same. You both knew, you both feigned ignorance.

You never kiss like lovers. If you kissed and it didn’t leave the taste of a penny on your tongues, you did it wrong. That’s what you’ve told yourselves. 

The soft kisses play pretend and dress up as the more tender bites and sucks and they only show up when you were sure the other one was not paying attention. 

It is a dance, a tango, a push and pull of what is and what could be. If only you were not broken and utterly ruined. It is sad for Dave, seeing you mourning the ability to let yourself be loved. Your heart was shattered into pieces, the biggest one missing since you were a child. You couldn't even remember how it felt to be whole. To feel love without it running through the cracks of your poorly glued together heart. 

If he only could, Dave would give you the missing pieces. His pockets are full of pieces, of sharp edged shards of the lives and people he destroyed. Each life taken becomes a fragment he carries with him. And in the moments he became too careless, too happy, he cut himself with one.

The blood on his hands is his, too. 

‘Can’t break what's already broken,’ you tell him every time. But the sound never makes it past your lips, always getting stuck between your teeth. And so you write it on his skin with your fingers. The letters inscribed with invisible ink made out of sweat and desperation on his back and stomach. By now, after months of meeting him, his body is littered with your messages. 

Be brave. Have your fill. Eat me, chew me, spit me out. Make me numb. Make me feel. I want to be alive. Please. Oh God, please.

It takes Dave a little while before he understands it, but the feeling of lightness in his soul after he leaves you - it doesn’t come from physical exhaustion and orgasms only. You hear his confessions. His silent confessions he licks into you. 

Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away. And he gets on his knees, every time, and looks at the mess he left inside of you, already spilling out because Dave never made a minor mess in his life. 

Dave wants to be good and so he cleans up the mess he made. On his knees, before you, the weight of your thighs heavy on his shoulders and his fingers almost touching while he spreads you open. 

His head ducks before you like a penitent in church as your body silently writhes, knowing what would come.

He takes his time since there is no rush in repenting. Being full of sin is never ending, especially for men like him. So why try to finish a confession when the list of wrongdoings is endless.

Dave speaks silently, mouthing his failures against you, licking his secrets into your cunt and he is amazed by the way she so patiently swallows his sins.

I kill. I am no good. I will hurt you. Forgive me.

He fills you up with his bitter truth, bitter like his cum that trickles out of you. It’s all bitter, salty, freeing. The more he repents, the deeper his tongue pushes his confession inside of you, the tighter you curl your fingers into his hair.

And your cunt takes it all, all the anger and fear and decay Dave carries inside of him. She sucks it in, clenches around his words like she is chewing on them. She does not judge, you do not judge. It is all the same, it all is pain and that is what you know. It doesn’t scare you.

I destroy. I just want to be good. Hold me. I am broken. Forgive me. I hurt.

He feels it in the way your body tenses and your cunt tightens. ‘Dave’ is the only word that tumbles from your tongue, in the same rhythm you rub yourself onto him. Just a few more silent whispers and pleas, he knows the ritual of confessing by heart.

Make me better. Forgive me. Forgive me. Please.

A broken cry, his or yours, probably a shared one. He keeps his mouth open, ready for his absolution. And with you coming, his absolution comes, gushing out of you. Every sin and every word, no matter how bitter and poisonous it was, got turned into something sweet and harmless. He drinks you in, swallowing the innocence you give him.

Forgive me for I have sinned. A tender bite to your inner thigh, a kiss in disguise, a thank you with canines and claws.

‘Forgiven,’ you write onto his scalp, massaging the letters into his skin and hoping they reach his heart this time.

find my Dave York masterlist here

find my general masterlist here

[anxiousnerdwritings]

If Daemon’s bby ever died on the battlefield so young: how would her loved ones react? And would anyone (the dragon literally symbolizes their house ofc) fight over her humongous three-headed dragon? Just imagine if it just casually flew away after the funeral without giving anyone a opportunity to claim them.

Daemon would absolutely lose it if his beloved child died in any way. There would be a sense of pride and respect for his bby dying in battle and fighting till the very end, but you can bet he will absolutely destroy whoever had a part in his child’s demise. And he will burn them all to the fucking ground. He wouldn’t rest until the entire lineage of the people involved in his child’s death were wiped out.

Rhaenyra would be in such a severe state of mourning for her most treasured friend/cousin. She would want to fight alongside Daemon and bring down the people who stole their beloved one from them. Rhaenyra’s hurt and anger would be more than enough to fuel her till the end to see the downfall of everyone involved in her cousin’s death. And she would make damn sure she got her vengeance for her late loved one. No one would go unpunished for taking away her bestest and dearest friend.

Given that I imagine this happening before the Dance of Dragons takes place, I can’t help but imagine Viserys’ reaction and how he would be towards Daemon. I feel like this would be something that would very well bring the two brothers together. Viserys can understand the state his brother would be in and he can’t possibly imagine going through it himself. He wouldn’t know what he would do if anything happened to Rhaenyra but he knows damn well he would go to war over it too. He wouldn’t hold anything against Daemon for what he does afterward, he can’t bring himself to knowing he would do something of the same level himself if his child faced the same fate. Viserys would ensure that the Reader got the most deserving funeral of any Targaryen there ever was.

Don’t even get me started on Rhea’s reaction. She would 1000% blame Daemon. Whether she blames his blood running through their child’s veins or his teaching them to never run from a fight. She puts it on him but she blames herself just as much for not keeping her child by her side. There really wasn’t much she could do but that doesn’t stop her from ripping herself apart. I don’t doubt that Daemon blames himself too but Rhea really throws it in his face, especially if this happened in a battle that Daemon and their child were fighting on the frontlines together. Her loss and grief would be too much for her, Rhea wouldn’t know what to do with herself once her child is gone. She would demand their child have a funeral fit for a Royce while Daemon fights tooth and nail that his child deserves nothing less than a true Targaryen send off. The death of their beloved child would only drift the two further apart and bring nothing but more hostility and hatred towards each other.

When it comes to the Reader’s dragon, I can’t help but think of two things. The dragon either pulls a similar stunt to Drogon and takes its’ treasured rider away to somewhere for just the two of them to be, or it sticks around until after the funeral and goes off on its own to live the rest of its days in mourning in solitude and forever being without its beloved companion again. No matter who had the gall to even try and claim the Reader’s dragon for themself the dragon would have absolutely none of it. I could see it taking on a similar disposition to Cannibal after its rider dies. It becomes extremely hostile towards anyone or anything that comes near it, all three of it’s heads retaliating and going after anyone and anything. Hell, I can even see the poor dragon going after itself and the three heads turning on one another in a form of self destruction. Just overall the Reader’s dragon acting out in its own way of suffering and being grief stricken by its detrimental loss.

Honestly, I really can’t see the Reader’s dragon allowing the Reader’s funeral to take place. I could see the dragon seeing this as the Reader’s family and everyone else in attendance further harming the Reader more, especially in the sense of the other dragons being the ones to set alight the Reader’s funeral pyre for their send off. The Reader’s dragon taking this as more of a threat to the Reader than what it’s actually supposed to be and a chaotic dragon fight ensuing with the Reader’s dragon trying to take its’ rider’s body back with it where it can be forever safe and protected.

[vampsywrites]

balance of life. PT.2

synopsis: from this dance with darkness, hear rebirth's whispered grace. see love's flame rekindled as grief is erased.

pairings: olo'eyktan! aged up! neteyam x tsahik! fem! reader

tags: mentions of death, trauma, grieving, funeral, blood, out of body experience, ritualistic behavior

☄️part 1 💫

"Please," Neteyam's tears drip onto your pale face, fingers trembling as they brush against your blood-stained skin, gliding across your flesh with an almost desperate tenderness, as if his touch alone could heal the wounds that mar your body.

The battle rages on around you, the chaotic sounds of war blending into muffled ringing. In this moment, time stands still, and the world around you fades into shadows.

"'Teyam…" Gasping for breath, you feel a final heave escape your body before everything is consumed by a blinding light.

NEYTIRI

It’s Neteyam that haunts her dreams the most.

It was the way he clung to your body, molding it against his, as if in a futile attempt to fuse your fading spirit back into existence.

It was the way his hands, once revered and celebrated, now carry the weight of his guilt; Marred with a deep crimson and tainted by the mark of his failure.

And it was the way fear seized those golden eyes, a haunted gaze that bore witness to the crumbling of his world.

The clan had already began the preparations for your funeral. And though it has only been a week since it happened, it lingered like a festering wound, refusing to heal.

In the late hours of the eclipse, Neytiri found herself alone in your vacant kelku. Once a warm and comforting space, it now stood devoid of life. Neteyam, deeply affected by your recent death, couldn't bear the atmosphere in the pod. It had stirred up painful memories which prompted him to move out, longing to escape the reminders of your presence that haunted him.

The glow of the night illuminated the walls as Neytiri hummed to herself quietly. In her hands, she held onto your songcord, tracing every bead, feather, and gem with an utmost care. The song that had once been yours now lived within her, a cherished melody that brought solace in moments of darkness. Closing her eyes, Neytiri let herself be carried away by the memories, allowing the echoed memories of your voice to envelop her.

A sudden brush against her arm startles her awake, aureate eyes shooting wide open. She quickly scans her surroundings, searching for the source of the unexpected touch. That is when her gaze settles on the soft glow of an atokirina, gently floating down until it lands onto your songcord, resting on a specific bead.

REBIRTH.

It was the very first bead on your songcord. A plain wooden square intertwoven with purple tendrils, symbolizing your rebirth. It represented the day you became one with the people, the day you were born anew.

The atokirina floated upward and out of the pod, brushing against Neytiri. It felt like an urging, a sign for her to follow.

Taking a deep breath, she rose from the wooden floors, her grip on your songcord firm. Stepping out of the pod, she was greeted by a sudden chill that seemed to course through her. It was as though she had forged a connection with the earth itself, feeling its presence resonate within her. A powerful thump reverberated through her body, sending tremors that hinted at your lingering presence in the air and the soft whispers carried by the wind.

"Ma Eywa," she gasps out, rushing after the atokirina. "What is this, Great Mother?"

Guided by the woodsprite, Neytiri arrives at a clearing that feels strangely familiar. With her feet anchored firmly in the soil, she gazes upward, captivated by the shimmering bioluminescent leaves adorning the trees, resembling stars. As she takes a deep breath, Neytiri surrenders to the tranquility of the moment, shutting her eyes. The symphony of forest sounds and the gentle touch of nature embrace her completely.

An overpowering sensation surged within her, causing her muscles to tense involuntarily. Waves of energy coursed through her body, causing her limbs to writhe and contort, as if responding to an unseen force. Beneath her feet, the grass throbbed with a pulsating rhythm, emitting radiant rings of light that expanded outward, like echoes of a beating heart.

"Sa'nok?"

Caught by surprise, Neytiri gasps, her trance abruptly broken as her gaze lands on Neteyam standing before her. Tears stream down her cheeks, evidence of the overwhelming emotions that had enveloped her. Her body trembles, still shaken by the otherworldly experience she had just undergone. Sinking to the floor, she finds herself overwhelmed.

Sensing her distress, Neteyam rushes to her side, his hands gently running up her arms as he anxiously asks, "What's wrong? What happened?"

She faces her son, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips. "I heard her, Eywa's voice has reached me," she whispers.

Neteyam's eyes widen with surprise. "What did she say?" he asks eagerly.

Neytiri's hand rests on her racing heart as she collects her thoughts. After a pause, she speaks.

"From this dance with darkness, hear rebirth's whispered grace. See love's flame rekindled as grief is erased," she gasps out.

Her words hang in the air, creating a pregnant pause, before she continues, her voice filled with hope.

"She will come back to us, Neteyam. Our prayers will be answered."

"Ting Mikyun Ayoer, Ruxte, Ma Nawma Sa'nok!" Neytiri's voice booms, carrying an unbridled power that reverberates like a primal growl. As she utters the sacred words, her hands ascend through the air. The earth crackles and hums with a raw power, responding to her fervent invocation with an electric surge of energy.

"Srung si poeru, Ma Eywa!" The collective voices of the people unite, their intertwined hands clinging tightly as they sway back and forth upon their knees. In response, the towering tree before them pulsates with an extraordinary surge of force. Rings of iridescent light emanate outward, casting a celestial glow across the open expanse.

"Eo Eywa oe ‘ia, eo Eywa oe 'ia," Neytiri surrenders herself to the rhythmic chants, her eyes rolling backward in a trance-like state. After a prolonged minute of fervent chanting, she abruptly ceases, snapping her eyes open. With a commanding gesture, she signals for the others to halt their chants, bringing a hush over the gathering.

"Srung si poeru, Ma Eywa," Neteyam repeats, kneeling beside your limp body as he intertwines his hands with yours. Alongside him, Mo'at raises her hands, a sacred spice cascading from her fingertips, delicately dusting your body.

This sacred rebirth ceremony holds profound significance, as it marks the first of its kind since the days of the first songs. Neytiri, assuming the role of Tsahìk in your absence, guides the ceremony, for it was she whom Eywa had contacted.

Neteyam, quick to react, extends his arms and delicately cradles your lifeless form, drawing you close to his chest. In a gentle whisper, he softly calls out your name, as if his voice could serve as a beacon to summon your spirit back from the realms of the departed and into the embrace of the living once more.

And then, in response to his heartfelt plea, a low whimper escapes your lips as your eyes flutter open. They struggle to focus at first, but eventually, they settle on Neteyam's face.

"Ma'Teyam…?"

Silence hangs in the air, stretching out the seconds as Neteyam absorbs the reality before him. A choked cry wrenches itself from his chest. He struggles to comprehend that you aren't just another phantom haunting his dreams, but that you are real, truly here with him. Relief washes over him like a tidal wave, intertwining with joy and a bittersweet hint of lingering sadness. It plays across his face, a complex tapestry of emotions writ large for anyone to see.

"Yes," he heaves, voice carrying both tenderness and a hint of watery emotion. "Yes, it's me, yawne. You're here, you're back."

A wide grin spreads across Neytiri's face, her heart swelling with uncontainable joy at the sight of your revival. Turning towards the gathered people, she addresses them with exultation in her voice, "The Great Mother has heard us! She has returned!" Her words ring out, carrying a shared sense of celebration and renewed hope.

Consumed by an overwhelming surge of longing, Neteyam leans in with urgency. It feels as if the mere act of not touching you will rend his skin apart, spilling forth the crimson of his love.

With a desperate groan, he crashes his lips against yours in a searing kiss. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer, teeth clashing and tongues intertwining in a passionate dance. Every sense is heightened as he savors the sensation of your cool skin against his, lost in the euphoria of your return.

The atmosphere erupts with jubilation as the crowd joins in, their cheers and shouts blending into a symphony of delight.

"My girl," Neteyam laughs lowly against your lips, an overflow of tears streaming down his cheeks. The warrior then pulls away and burrows his face into the crook of your neck. Gritting his teeth, Neteyam does his best to hold himself together but try as he might, he can't stop the sob that slips from his lips. "Oh, my sweet girl."

Feeling a bit disoriented but still filled with love, you raise a hand and tenderly cradle the back of Neteyam's neck. A gentle smile graces your lips as you speak in a hushed whisper, "I'm here. It's okay. I'm here."

As the last note of your song fades into the air, your hands gently release the songcord, letting it fall to your lap. Leaning back, you find solace in the comforting embrace of your beloved. Neteyam's strong arms envelop your torso, holding you securely as he presses his body flush against your back. His lips trace a tender path along your neck, leaving a trail of kisses that go up your collarbone and to your jawline.

In the distance, the sounds of celebration echo through the air as the clan honors your remarkable rebirth. However, seeking a moment of intimacy away from the festivities, you and Neteyam sneaked away, yearning for precious moments alone together.

"Srrìri tìreyä. Ma Eywa, ma Eywa."

With a low giggle, you tilt your head back, planting a gentle peck on Neteyam's cheek.

"I thought," Neteyam's voice suddenly quivers with a rare vulnerability, his battle-hardened hands, weathered from countless struggles, tenderly gliding up the curves of your sides. Each touch is laden with the weight of his fears. "I thought I had lost you forever, syulang."

His words hang in the air, laden with the profound weight of his anguish. They unveil the nights riddled with torment, where sleepless agony engulfed him, entangling him in a web of restless nightmares. The mere thought of a life without you by his side loomed like a suffocating shadow, darkening every aspect of his existence.

In those dark hours, he became a prisoner of his own mind, tormented by the phantom presence of your absence. The echoes of your laughter, the touch of your hand, and the warmth of your embrace haunted his every waking moment. It was as if fragments of you lingered in the corners of his vision, teasing him with fleeting glimpses that dissolved into cruel illusions.

"Oh, Neteyam," you tenderly call out his name, the sound of your voice pulling him away from the depths of his mind. With utmost care, your hands reach up and caress his sharp cheeks, their touch gentle and soothing. As your fingertips brush against his skin, Neteyam realizes that they are damp with his tears. Had he been crying?

With his lips quivering, Neteyam bows his head, his vulnerability laid bare. "I thought I had lost you," he says.

"You didn't," you reassure him, slipping back into his lap and wrapping your arms up and around his broad back. "I am here. Safe and sound with you."

As Neteyam's trembling subsides and his tears dry against your comforting touch, he surrenders himself to the solace of your presence, seeking refuge in your embrace. Bathed in the ethereal glow of moonlight and bioluminescence, the world around you seems to fade into insignificance.

With a sigh, Neteyam closes the remaining distance between you, his lips descending upon yours in a tender, lingering kiss. The touch is gentle yet full of fervor, as if each brush of his lips conveys all the love and longing he has harbored during your time apart.

Moments pass, and you eventually raise your head from his, breaking the kiss but keeping your bodies intertwined. His warmth envelops you, and silence follows.

"Nete," you begin, your voice soft but filled with a hint of playfulness, "I have a feeling that I won't be allowed to work for the next few weeks…"

Neteyam grins, a spark of amusement flickering in his eyes, and his chest rumbles with a deep, booming laugh.

"Oh, absolutely not," he responds, his voice a gentle murmur against your ear. His warm breath tickles your skin, causing a pleasant shiver to dance down your spine. "You're going to be under my constant watch. I will make sure you rest and recover properly. No arguments, yawne."

You playfully pout, feigning upset, but deep down, you're filled with gratitude for his unwavering care and love. As you snuggle back into his embrace, you feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your back, a comforting cadence that anchors you in the present moment.

"Oel ngati kameie," Neteyam whispers against your temple.

"Oel ngati kameie," you hum, smiling up at him.

TAGLIST — peeps who asked for part 2 <3 if your name isnt here that means i couldnt tag u bb :( :

@unknownkii @brattzslattz @blackspideysstuff @jennasluvrgirl

☄️part 1 💫

[rawmeknockout]

pls can I get a lonely cassette!reader being taken in by soundwave???? i need that man carnally and i need to be inside his boobs even more 💥💥💥

The city is burning. It's been on fire for days, the skyline you loved nothing but smoke and ash, and there is no relief in sight. Metal melting into itself and the surroundings, buildings merged together, until it looks like a great beast crying in agony. Fighting to pull itself out from it's own destruction. Your cassette-player is among those trapped under the rubble, squeezed beneath concrete and metal. Perhaps it's fortunate, then, that you know he's dead. You were his only companion, and now you're alone. It gives you comfort knowing he's not the one in your place.

There is no one coming to save you. The Decepticons and Autobots have torn Cybertron apart, your home just collateral among the list of casualties. It had filled you with rage when you saw the way they would cast anything in the way to achieve victory, but your anger is hollow now. You're not even sure you can feel anything at all. All you can think about is where you will find energon next.

There are no more relief stations near you, no more safe encampments that can take you in. All neutral parties, all crisis servants, have been pushed to the very edges of Cybertron where there is still just a bit of energon to mine. It wouldn't matter if you could get to them, anyway. Most have picked their side and will push recruitment if you come looking for aid, ensuring you will be safe if only you will be their fodder.

And you can't leave your home. Even when it is unrecognizable, the bright city lights long since blown out. This is where you want to be, the only place for you. You slowly duck and trudge between buildings, dirt settling in your joints and making the ache of your frame worse. You scan for any sign of energy, a leak of oil even, but it is bare here.

So lost in your HUD, you don't hear the clink of pedes on concrete, the glitching of your processor getting worse and more obstructive by the cycle. You try tapping at settings on your helm, but the static clears minimally. A giant blue mech stands in front of you when your vision clears of errors. You jump back, stumbling over your pedes to stay upright, and lean back to take in the intimidating bot before you.

His face is covered and his visor is red. So red against the white and blue of his paintjob. The blue gleams beautifully under the muffled sunlight, just barely able to break through the ash covering the sky. He must be important, or was. You could have never afforded a polish so uniform and bright. His chest is a window into a docked and rather comfortable looking cassette. You could laugh from how fortuitous this oasis is.

The purple of his insignia almost misses your awareness, but it is an ugly symbol and it hurts your optics to look upon it. You should be angry, but there is nothing. Perhaps this meeting is Primus' mercy, no matter how cold.

The large mech kneels in front of you, his helm still looming above your own, as his servo comes to rub dirt away from your faceplate. You don't shy away, despite the true dirtiness being in his allegiance. It's nice to feel a friendly touch. You eye his tapedeck enviously, like you want to rip the mech out of there and settle in its place. It's a horrible feeling that leaves a pit of shame in your tank. The fear and grief has turned you into an animal hungry for any sign of salvation.

The intimidating mech pulls from his subspace a wrapped packet: energon rations. Meager and half-eaten, it wouldn't be the best you've ever tasted, but you're grateful for the pity. It's hardly two bites before you're done. Despite the quality, it's the sweetest energon that's ever touched your glossa. Lubricant tracks down your cheekplates.

And despite it all, you want to live. A feeling that builds in your chassis and sings in your spark. You want to live, you want to leave this place. You don't care what you have to do. All you want is to tear free of the rubble and rip yourself from the metal melting down around you.

"Inquiry: Free to dock?" You grasp the opportunity with firm servos.

[theerurishipper]

Part 2 of my Paris special commentary (Part 1 here) because Tumblr is an ass and has a word limit.

Disclaimer: This is long asf.

Marinette here playing 5D chess, queen shit.

The most important thing the special confirmed is that Gabe added the word "dark" to his transformation phrase on purpose cause he's a dramatic bitch.

I am here for Claw Noir mocking Gabe. Go off, king.

"Oh nO, iT WAs aN IlLusIon!" That giggle is adorable. She's so cute.

Ladyfly is an ass name, but she looks so great.

Not Gabe getting annoyed at Claw Noir's teasing. See, now this is why we stan Claw Noir on this blog.

Gabe's plan isn't half bad, actually.

Symbolism? In my children's cartoon? It's more likely than you think.

They're having a pun-off.

RIP Chat Noir's ear.

Gabe got feathered lmao

Monarch dipped like a little bitch.

A mirror, I called it. It'll make for some nice symbolism.

"Let alone a calm and gentle mom" I wonder what Sabine is like in their world to make Emonette feel like she's so alone.

I like how they handled the villains tbh. I wasn't a fan of making it seem like Marinette was one step away from becoming a supervillain at all times, but it seems less like that's the case and more like The Supreme took advantage of her suffering and vulnerability at her lowest moments.

It's also nice that they established that Shady and Claw weren't the actual big bads and are just hurt kids who got recruited into a fight they weren't ready for. Their motivation isn't some rehash of Gabriel's, they are literally trying to survive under the rule of someone who will kill them if they don't do his bidding, and because of whom they're dying. Their life is literally full of suffering and they're trying to find something that'll give them a way out. Shady wants Marinette's life, and Claw Noir wants his mother back.

Like, it doesn't excuse their actions, but it does add a more humane element to them that lends itself better to the kind of redemption Miraculous likes to do, which is to fix things with a speech. That's why this redemption works, and Gabe's doesn't.

Anyway.

The back and forth between Chat Noir and Claw Noir was pretty funny ngl.

And we discover that Claw Noir wants his mother back. Of course.

MY POOR BABY

When Marinette was talking about how she was also angry and hurt, but chose to love herself and the world around her and chose to try and fix it... that hit hard. Honestly, it did. It's everything I love about Marinette in one speech. I love it.

And then onto my personal favorite scene in the entire special, possibly in the entire show.

That whole conversation was powerful. "I'm as well as I can be anyway," that's so profound. Like, of course you aren't going to be 100% okay after losing someone you love, but Adrien wants to move on and be happy like his mother would have wanted him to. This scene really showcases Adrien's empathy and his strength, when he acknowledges that having no friends can make it harder for Claw Noir to move on, and then he tells him that only he can make the choice to stop being alone. And that's really true. This scene really showcases everything amazing about Adrien, his hope and optimism, his empathy and his strength. How he finds the strength to keep going by choosing to not be alone. It's beautiful.

Like, it could have been so easy for both Marinette and Adrien to give into their darkest impulses, and Shadybug and Claw Noir really are just representations of how letting your hurt overpower you can lead you down a dark path, and it really highlights their strength, that they choose to make the right choices everyday, despite everything. It really highlights their characters and their arcs. And they're able to take everything they've learned, and look at what they could have been in the eyes and help them change too. It's so poetic.

It would have been a little more impactful if the show had spent more than 10 minutes out of 5 seasons focusing on Adrien's grief and how it has impacted him, but whatever.

Anyway, it also had some Adrien and Nino friendship crumbs, and I'll be darned if I didn't gobble it up like a starved animal. Also, we have confirmation that "Space Mutants vs. Ghost Shark" is Nino's favorite movie, so Nino stans please say "thank you Paris special."

And they are REDEEMED.

Shadybug fixes everything with her Lucky Charm after spending the whole special making destructive ones. My heart.

Shadybug and Claw Noir stop being evil and immediately go from hating each other's guts to flirting shamelessly. They just speedran enemies to lovers in a matter of seconds. They literally just defaulted to flirting. Truly, the natural state of Ladynoir in any universe. We stan.

Gotta be honest, I'm not a fan of the new designs. Wish they had kept the old ones. I'm one of those people whose toxic trait is liking Claw Noir's design, so I'm a little unhappy with it, but hey, it's a sweet scene.

Also, Claw Noir's hair went from the color of rotten bananas to ripe bananas. If that was intentional, I applaud the writers for being both profound and funny as hell.

Aaaaaaand Gabe is back, because we can't have nice things.

The montage going through different realities was great, it was small but I enjoyed it.

They're literally so cute omg. Couple behaviors fr. I'm so obsessed with them.

HUGS

POUND IT

They're holding hands... already... like they're in love... I'm so emotional... I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS

And they're gone. But their adventures will continue forever in my mind and in my fanfics. And in other people's art that I will ravenously consume.

Cute Alya and Marinette scene. This is really sweet, I love the exploration of the impact Alya has had on Marinette's life.

And now, I'm not an Alyanette shipper, but I think they should kis- oh, wait, never mind, they did it.

And thus, the endless night comes to an end (it happened a while ago but that's just semantics).

Final thoughts

I really loved this so much. Sure, there were some exposition dumps that probably should have happened in the actual series, but that's not the fault of this special. This is probably my bias talking but this is the best special and it's literally perfect, no I will not take any constructive criticism on that. This, this special and everything in it, this is what Miraculous is all about. This is exactly what I wanted, this is what I signed up for. It's literally the best thing ever to come out of this entire show.

[azumasoroshi]

suzume no tojimari spoilers ! hi guys im Insane

literature analysis brain is going haywire so here’s a bunch of incoherent ramblings some themes motifs and symbolism i love in this movie because AAAAAAA

Love and Sacrifice.

Obviously, but like the different kinds of love and devotion and how they’re never perfect and sometimes self-destructive but they’re so powerful and just waughhh. It was so important to me how after exploding at her Tamaki (suzume’s aunt, ik im not the only one who forgets names) was like “you know I don’t feel that way all the time, right?” like not denying that yes, she has felt exhausted of taking care of Suzume and sometimes wished she didn’t have to take care of her, trying to be the parental figure she needs while also trying to not encroach on her sister’s memory. It means so much to me that she didn’t deny those feelings but instead told Suzume that it’s not how she always feels, because loving someone means sacrifice and ewughghgghfgfh im not putting this into words well but htrggfhgf.

and ALSO the reciprocation of kindness with daijin - as thanks for the taste of freedom at last, and wanting to be with someone whom you love but not really comprehending that what they want (that “suzume doesn’t love me” killed me) and how by the end daijin helped her pull souta out and sacrificed himself for suzume because he really loved her ggrgfggfhfnfnch

And just. everyday love. This is kind of a mix of themes and motifs but every time we flashed back to the memories of whatever abandoned place they were in - the simple “good morning”s and “be back soon” and “it’s so hot”s made me choke up. the mundane love of Chika and Suzume in their newly found friendship, Rumi’s kindness in picking Suzume up off the street and her love for her children, Serizawa’s platonic love for Souta letting him drive these two crazy women with crazy beef for 7 hours across Japan, there’s just so much expression of love and the hardships people go through because of it and rhgrjgrjhgdhgjhb

Mourning and Closure.

Makoto Shinkai himseld said that he wanted to write a story about “mourning deserted places” (at least according to Wikipedia) so this one is all but textual but like yeah. the motif of opening/closing/locking doors and locking the bike and things like that? AaAAaAaa

To close the gates, you need to imagine the emotions of people who once lived there - i can only imagine what Souta was thinking in the abandoned bathhouse area, but hrhggejghw the school and the amusement park and the shots we got of normal life in tokyo before the worm revealed itself in the climax, it just. really speaks to the beauty of everyday life. im a sucker for that kind of stuff as both a psychology major and just a weird person who thinks “man i wonder what happened to this person for the past 22 years of their life that led them to be here with me in this moment” whenever i pass someone in the grocery store. Hodaka could let japan be flooded in weathering with you because of his love for hina, but suzume’s whole arc was learning about the common people and living their lives and embracing all the kindness they had to offer to herself and others and it really hits that like. of course she can’t just let tokyo get destroyed to save Souta, every person in all of tokyo is just like Rumi and Chika and Serizawa and they’re all people who love and are loved. She finds herself in Souta’s place as one who stretches himself thin between being a gate closer and studying to be a teacher because he loves life as well, and-

oops i forgot i was talking about mourning and closure

anyway the doors keep getting reopened because the grief never fully goes away and the worm of “calamity” is letting yourself be consumed by the grief and destroying the people around you and not being able to move on, and it comes from the Ever-after becomes ever-after is a place where time doesn’t exist and you wish you could be there forever because it’s where you can relive the events of your past, it’s where you can live in denial that time moves forward and you have to move with it, it’s where Suzume goes after her mother dies because she wants people to stop giving her condolences and just give her her mom back. “Ever-after” in itself is a “happily ever after” - a place where mortals aren’t meant to go, no matter how beautiful it looks. Souta goes there too because he is the catalyst Suzume needs to go back and face Ever-after - and it’s no longer beautiful, but it’s torn apart by grief and everything is in flames. The idea of a keystone as well, locking the memories and hurt away, is one that Suzume removes to relive her memories and puts back in place when she’s ready to move on. htrhgfhgfghfghf. she won’t let souta be the keystone because she refuses to move on without him.

Also both Souta and his grandfather tell Suzume to just forget everything she’s seen, but it’s too late for that because connections aren’t so easily forgotten. Even when Tamaki couldn’t remember telling Suzume she’d be her new mother, that doesn’t change that she cared for her for the next 12 years anyway. Suzume visits Chika and Rumi by the end, and obviously she’s never forgotten her mother, both because her chair was still in her room by the start of the movie and because she looks like her by the end. Even though relationships change, they’re never forgotten in the movie, and I think that’s beautiful, really.

(also cool detail: 12 years ago is when the tsunami that killed suzume’s mother struck. the movie came out in 2023, and the touhoku earthquake/tsunami that inspired this film was in 2011. nice)

Reality vs Fantasy

The scenes where Suzume goes out into public again following stopping the worm from destroying Tokyo were especially poignant to me. This girl’s been going on a fantastical adventure with her talking chair and talking cat, meeting nice people and making friends, excited at the idea that she’s doing something important, but after Souta’s gone she shuts down. Her feet are bloodied, her clothes are destroyed, and people keep giving her strange looks and calling her homeless because she may have stopped the worm but even without being consumed by grief, it still isn’t pretty or picturesque. Standing out in Japanese society is discouraged, as most of us are well aware, but she’s been doing nothing but that with all the running around and talking to chairs and flying through the sky she’s been doing. Without a concrete goal in mind, without Souta as company, she’s alone in the world of adulthood and has no one to tell her what she should do, no Souta to guide her through Tokyo. And without that confidence or charm, people don’t come to her aid like they did before. It’s only once she finds her resolve to save Souta, quite literally walking in his shoes/footsteps, that the next helpful stranger (Serizawa) comes in.

She could imagine those abandoned places as alive, but the truth is that they were abandoned and will stay that way - none of them miraculously revived by the end, unless something happened in the credits that I couldn’t see through all my tears. Reality will not bring those places back, but what really matters is how we carry the memories of those places with us? I think. man maybe it’d be easier to write this post if i had actually seen the end credits

this post is really fucking long so im calling it here 😭 makoto shinkai has done it again. goddammit

[herofics]

Hii! I loved your aizawa fic with his daughter dying, and after reading that…i started thinking, how would all might react to his daughter getting killed while going on a lil patrol during an internship? :0 or something like that!

ur work is rlly good! Cant wait to go through your blog :D

-🃏 anon :3

A/N: Thank youuuu! The post mentioned can be found here. I honestly haven’t written All Might in ages, but I hope this turned out okay

•You and your father didn’t get to spend much time together when you were a kid, because of his hero work and dedication to being the symbol of peace

•So when he was forced to retire, you were happy about being able to spend more time with him, even though you hated how depressed losing his quirk and all the stuff that came along with it made him

•So now that he was a teacher at UA and you were living in the dorms at the school, you actually got to spend a lot of time together

•He helped you train and was there for you when you were having a hard time, as much as he could be for a stubborn teenager such as yourself

•You went to your internship and on the second day he got a call from the agency you were with

•He thought you were just calling him through one of the office phones, but it was the hero you whose agency you were interning at

•The phone call was quite awkward, the hero was quite young so he had never had to make a call such as this

•All Might listened, thanked the hero for calling him and just hung up

•He was sitting on the bench outside 1-A’s dorms and he couldn’t even hold onto the phone

•It fell on the ground as All Might looked up at the sky and just cried silently

•He didn’t make a sound, the tears just streamed down his face quietly

•He didn’t blame you for a second, it wasn’t your fault that you’d died, it happens in that line of work, but that didn’t do anything to ease his pain

•And besides, you were just a student, you weren’t a pro-hero, this wasn’t supposed to happen

•All Might sat there for hours, he didn’t even notice how much time had passed, before it started raining

•It was as if the sky itself was crying for your loss

•Someone had to tell your classmates, but he could only bring himself to tell the principal, so Aizawa was the one who had to break the news to your class

•Midoriya tried to talk to All Might about it, but he just acted overly cheerfully and tried to not show how heartbroken he was

•He didn’t want to put this on Midoriya’s shoulders too

•All Might put all his energy on teaching after your passing, especially with Midoriya

•He was of course avoiding dealing with his emotions and grief this way

•He didn’t want any other parent to have to go through this, he didn’t want anyone else to lose a child

•Realistically he knew he couldn’t guarantee that, but he wished he could, he really did

•He tried to act cheerful, but when he thought no one was looking, he looked incredibly sad

•Some people noticed, Midoriya especially, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything

•All Might didn’t know what to say when people offered him their condolences, nothing felt honest

•There were no words to describe this immense hole that was left in his heart after you died